How to set healthy boundaries in relationships
Ever think about how you need to have better boundaries with someone only you never set them? Us too. Here’s how to actually set healthy boundaries and why they’re important.
Many of us want to say yes to everything—fun social plans, an exciting opportunity at work, a new project at home—but the reality is, that’s rarely a good idea. Not only do you risk feeling overwhelmed and stressed, but you may also begin to resent the people around you, and your relationships can suffer as a result.
Setting boundaries is the best thing you can do for yourself and the people you care about most.
Think of these as simple ways to communicate what you’re comfortable with and what you need, whether that’s with your partner, family, friends, or colleagues. You might set boundaries around your time, your privacy, or even what topics you’re comfortable discussing — anything to protect your emotional and physical space. The goal is to make sure you’re not giving too much of yourself or letting others push you too far.
And while all of this sounds great, the reality is, setting boundaries is tough for some of us. Maybe you worry about hurting someone’s feelings, causing conflict, or coming across as difficult. It’s also possible that you’ve always been taught to put others first, making it hard to prioritize your own needs without feeling guilty or selfish.
Here’s the truth: Setting boundaries isn’t being mean or shutting people out. It’s making sure your needs are respected so you can be your best self in all areas of life. Here’s how to do it.
What are healthy boundaries?
Healthy boundaries are the personal limits you set to protect your wellbeing and to help you feel safe, respected, and valued in your relationships. To accomplish this, you must be honest with yourself and others about what you’re comfortable with and what you need.
Everyone has different boundaries, so it may be hard to know where to start. You have to first understand what works for you so you can communicate it to others clearly and respectfully.
A few common examples of boundaries include:
Saying “no” when you’re uncomfortable or overwhelmed
Asking for space when you need time alone
Communicating your needs directly and respectfully
Limiting how much time or energy you give to others
Setting physical boundaries, especially around your body and consent
Being able to walk away when someone doesn’t respect your boundaries
Why boundaries are important in relationships
Healthy boundaries can help both people in any type of relationship feel respected and understood. Because you both know where the other stands, you'll be able to communicate more honestly, which can help foster a sense of trust. Personally, you might also feel less stressed, because you won’t be giving more than you can handle.
Without healthy boundaries, it’s easy to feel like you’re giving too much or that others are taking advantage of your kindness. Over time, this can lead to frustration, resentment, and even the breakdown of a relationship.
7 types of boundaries you can set (with examples)
Boundaries come in many different forms, and whether you realize it or not, you’re probably already setting some in your daily life. But being intentional about them can make a huge difference in how you feel and how others treat you.
1. Emotional boundaries
Learning to prioritize your mental health can ensure that you’re not always absorbing other people’s stress, negativity, or emotional energy. Emotional boundaries also help you express your own feelings without fear of judgment or unfair pressure to handle things you're not comfortable with.
Try saying:
“I can listen to you vent for a bit, but I don’t have the bandwidth to give advice.”
“I get that you’re upset, but I can’t talk about this right now. Can we discuss it later when we’re both calmer?”
2. Physical boundaries
Physical boundaries let others know how comfortable you are with touch and proximity — anything having to do with your body. These boundaries help you feel safe and respected in romantic relationships, friendships, or social situations.
Try saying:
“I’m not really a hugger.”
“I need a little space — can we sit across from each other instead of side-by-side?”
3. Time boundaries
Time boundaries help you protect your schedule, making sure you’re not overcommitting or stretching yourself too thin.
These can be especially helpful in work environments or with friends who assume you’re always available. If this describes you, check out these 10 tips to find more time for yourself.
Try saying:
“I can meet you for coffee, but I have to leave by noon.”
“I only have 10 minutes to talk today, but let's have a proper catch-up soon.”
4. Work boundaries
Work boundaries help you avoid burnout by clearly defining when and how much you’re willing to work, especially in environments where there's pressure to go above and beyond.
Taking control of your professional life so that it doesn’t bleed into your personal time can help you recharge outside work — without feeling guilty or overwhelmed.
Try saying:
“I won’t be available to respond to emails after 6 p.m., but I’ll get back to you first thing tomorrow morning.”
“I can work on this project, but the deadline isn’t realistic. Can we talk about how to adjust it?”
5. Intellectual boundaries
You should be able to have healthy, respectful conversations with people who disagree with your thoughts, ideas, and opinions. Nobody should belittle you for thinking differently than they do — and vice versa.
Try saying:
“I respect your opinion, but I don’t feel comfortable discussing politics at the moment.”
“Let’s agree to disagree on this.”
6. Material boundaries
Material boundaries guide how you, and others, handle your personal belongings—things like money, possessions, or shared spaces—so your stuff is treated with respect, and you're not lending or giving more than you’re comfortable with.
Try saying:
“I hope you enjoy reading this book, I need it back by next week.”
“I’d prefer not to lend my car, but I can help you find another way to get there.”
7. Sexual boundaries
Sexual boundaries are critical for feeling safe in romantic relationships. They ensure that you and your partner are comfortable with the level of physical intimacy, and that consent is always given and respected. (Here’s how to respond to unwanted flirting — and make it stop.) These boundaries can involve physical touch, the pace of the relationship, or conversations about intimacy.
“I’m not ready to take that step yet, but I’ll let you know when I am.”
“I need to take things slow, and I need you to be okay with that.”
How to set (and maintain) healthy boundaries in all of your relationships: 8 mindful tips to help you speak up
Setting boundaries can feel awkward at first, especially if you're not used to it. You might worry you’ll upset someone or push them away. You might even feel badly about putting yourself first.
But boundaries can actually bring you closer to the people in your life. They communicate how you want to be treated and help create a balance that strengthens relationships over time. The more you practice setting boundaries, the more natural it’ll feel. These tips can help you get there.
1. Be clear and direct to cut down on confusion
It can be tempting to just hint at what you want, but this can cause misunderstandings. To make sure your boundaries are understood, communicate them openly and honestly. Use “I” statements to express how you feel, and avoid blaming or accusing the other person.
Try this: Instead of saying, “You never give me space,” try, “I need some alone time to recharge.”
💙 Learn to improve your relationships—no matter what’s going on—with Tamara Levitt’s Relationship with Others series.
2. Start small to gain practical experience
If you’re new to setting boundaries, start with smaller, less intimidating situations. Practice saying “no” to things that feel less overwhelming before tackling bigger boundary-setting conversations. (Here are 30 ways to do it.) This can help build your confidence and get more comfortable with standing up for yourself.
Try this: Start by saying “no” to something low-stakes, like turning down an invitation to a party when you’re too tired or busy.
💙 Even if you know your answer is no, voicing it can be hard. Jay Shetty delves into this issue in his How to Say No session of the Daily Jay.
3. Stay consistent to encourage better routines
Once you’ve set a boundary, stick to it. If you make exceptions or let people push past your limits, they’ll think your boundaries aren’t firm.
It’s okay to gently remind people of your boundaries if they forget or test them — staying consistent helps keep things clear.
Try this: If you’ve told a friend you need time alone after work, don’t make exceptions unless you really want to.
💙 Consistency has more benefits than you might realize. Delve into them during this session with Tamara Levitt.
4. Use positive language to cut down on disagreements
Frame boundaries in a way that focuses on your needs rather than what you don’t want. This can make the conversation feel less confrontational and more about self-care. Positive language also makes it easier for the other person to hear and respect your boundaries because they understand that you’re not shutting them out — you’re simply taking care of yourself.
Try this: Instead of saying, “I don’t want to hang out with you tonight,” try saying, “I need some time for myself tonight, but let’s catch up another time.”
💙 Taking care of yourself is important. Learn the tools of Radical Self-Care with this series from Lama Rod Owens.
5. Prepare for pushback — and to respond appropriately
Not everyone will react positively when you set a boundary, especially if they’re not used to you doing so. Some people might feel hurt or frustrated. Stand firm in what you need, even if it feels uncomfortable, and remind yourself that boundaries aren't there to push people away — they’re to create healthier, more understanding relationships.
Try this: If a friend is upset because you’ve set a boundary, calmly say something like, “I understand this might feel different, but I need this space to take care of myself. It’s not about you — it’s about me.”
💙 Do your best to let go of any negative feelings that come up from these difficult conversations. Mel Mah explores how to do this in her Grasp and Release session.
6. Practice self-compassion and let go of guilt
Setting boundaries can be emotionally challenging, especially if you’re not used to putting yourself first. Still, remind yourself you’re doing what’s best for your mental and emotional health.
Try this: When you feel guilty about setting a boundary, remind yourself you deserve to have your needs respected.
💙 Self-compassion is about responding to yourself in a kind way. Teach yourself how to do this in Jeff Warren’s The Strength of Self-Compassion meditation.
7. Be patient with yourself (as you’ll likely hit roadblocks)
Setting boundaries is a skill, and it can take time to master. You might stumble or feel unsure at first, and that’s okay. The more you practice, the easier it’ll get, and each step you take is progress.
Try this: If you feel unsure after setting a boundary, remind yourself it’s a learning process. Each time you practice, you’re getting better at protecting your wellbeing.
💙 In Mel Mah’s Impatience session, she explains that impatience is a manifestation of anxiety — and digs into how to help yourself feel better through movement.
8. Check in with yourself regularly and make changes as needed
Boundaries can change as your needs and circumstances evolve. Check in with yourself regularly to see if the boundaries you’ve set are still working for you. Maybe a boundary you set with a friend a few months ago no longer feels necessary, or maybe you need to set a new one at work to protect your time.
Try this: Each month, ask yourself, “Are my current boundaries helping me feel balanced and respected? Do I need to set any new ones?”
💙 As you set boundaries, you’ll learn more about who you really are. Explore how to nurture this in Tamara Levitt’s Relationship with Self series.
Setting healthy boundaries FAQs
How do you communicate boundaries without hurting your partner?
Communicating boundaries with your partner can be tricky, especially if you're concerned about hurting their feelings. Approach the conversation with care and respect, and explain that you want to take care of your own needs so you can be your best self in the relationship.
Use “I” statements to share how you feel and what you need. So, instead of saying, “You’re always smothering me,” try, “I love spending time with you, but I need a little alone time each day to recharge.” Explaining your boundary thoughtfully can help your partner see it as a way to maintain balance, rather than feeling blamed.
What should you do if someone repeatedly ignores your boundaries?
When someone continues to ignore your boundaries, it can be frustrating and hurtful. Calmly remind them of your boundary — sometimes, people may forget or not fully understand the importance of it. You might say, “It’s really important for me to have some alone time when I get home from work. I’d appreciate it if we could stick to that.”
Ignoring boundaries shows a lack of respect, and you deserve relationships where your limits are valued. If someone consistently disregards your boundaries despite your reminders, you may need to have a direct conversation (or, in some cases, take a step back from the relationship — here are seven tips to help). Try saying something like, “You don’t have to agree with my boundary but you do need to respect it.”
Can setting boundaries in a relationship make it stronger?
Setting healthy boundaries rooted in mutual respect can make your relationship stronger. When both partners know each other’s limits, it creates a foundation of trust. Plus, when you clarify what’s comfortable and what’s not, you foster a sense of security in the relationship.
Boundaries can also promote open discussions about needs, feelings, and expectations, so both people feel valued and respected. They also help prevent misunderstandings and cut down on resentment.
How do you know when you need to set a new boundary?
You’ll know it’s time to set a new boundary when you start feeling overwhelmed, uncomfortable, or resentful in a particular relationship or situation. Your body and emotions are usually good indicators that something isn’t working for you.
Another sign might be if you find yourself frequently saying “yes” to things you don’t actually want to do. Setting boundaries helps protect your energy so you’re not constantly overdoing it to meet others’ expectations.
What are some signs that your boundaries are too rigid?
Rigid boundaries can hinder connection with others and lead to feelings of isolation. If you find yourself avoiding intimacy, struggling to trust people, or keeping others at a distance due to fear of being hurt, your boundaries might be too strict, and you might be missing out on the closeness and connection that healthy relationships can offer.
Another sign of strict boundaries is rarely opening up to others or letting them help you. If you feel the need to do everything alone and resist leaning on others for support, your boundaries might be too limiting.
It's normal to want to shield yourself from emotional pain, but try to create boundaries that allow for meaningful connections. Find a balance between self-protection and openness to help you create safe and fulfilling relationships.
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