Small talk not your thing? These 15 topics can help

Relationships

May 21

Written By Calm Editorial Team

Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

If you’re not a natural social butterfly, then you might know that nervous feeling that creeps in when you arrive at a party or event that’s filled with strangers.

Some folks find it exciting to walk into a room of people they don’t know. To them, it’s just a chance to make a bunch of new friends. But for other people, walking into a sea of strangers can be super intimidating, partly because of how unnatural small talk can feel.

Let’s cut to the chase: talking with people you barely know (about topics you may not find interesting) can be awkward. Maybe you’re not quite sure where to start, or you’re hyper-aware of every pause. Maybe there’s even a low-level fear that you’ll say something off-putting (especially if you’re shy, introverted, or just out of practice).

It’s important to remember that small talk isn’t for everyone, but there are ways to hack it. If you find it difficult, we promise you’re not “bad at people,” but maybe you are a little rusty at interacting with others. Let’s explore how you can better navigate small talk with our guide of real, approachable small talk topics. With these in your back pocket, you might be able to turn a get-to-know-you chat into a real connection.

What is small talk?

Put simply, small talk is the quick, casual conversation that fills the gaps between silence and connection. At its core, small talk is about creating a tiny pocket of ease between people. It helps signal safety, interest, and warmth. It can happen in line at the grocery store, while waiting for a Zoom call to start, or during that strangely long pause in the elevator when nobody knows where to look.

Sometimes small talk leads to deeper connections, but even when it doesn’t, it’s still doing something valuable by helping you practice being present. If it feels silly or superficial sometimes, that’s okay. It’s allowed to be light. You don’t have to be profound to be meaningful. You just have to be willing.

Why can small talk be so uncomfortable?

Small talk is often uncomfortable because it’s a societal pressure to perform. It can feel forced, boring, or straight-up nerve-wracking. To some, it’s even kind of pointless. Here’s why people don’t typically love small talk:

It feels fake: You’re talking about the weather while waiting for the Zoom meeting to start, when on the inside you’re stressed about personal issues. It’s hard to pretend you care about the forecast (or any other trivial topic) when there are a hundred other things you wish could take priority.
It’s filled with uncertainty: What do you say next? Will they think you’re awkward? What if you overshare? What if you zone out and have to ask them to repeat themselves?
It requires energy: If you’re introverted, anxious, or socially burnt out, even the idea of initiating small talk can feel like a monumental task.
It’s low reward… sometimes: Not every small talk attempt leads to a delightful exchange about mutual obsessions or interests. Sometimes it just ends in a shrug or a nod. And that’s fine.

How to actually enjoy small talk (yes, it’s possible)

Enjoying small talk doesn’t necessarily mean you’re becoming the kind of person who thrives on networking events and makes besties in elevator rides. It just means you’re learning how to interact with those around you.

Reframe what “success” means

The real goal of small talk is to make a connection. If someone walks away thinking, “Well, that was pleasant,” then congratulations! You did it. It’s not about being clever — it’s about being kind, curious, and real. Instead of trying to be impressive in every connection, aim for the interaction to feel easy for you and the person you’re talking to.

Lean on the environment for an easy intro

The setting you’re in can be a cheat sheet for starting a conversation with the people around you. Look around and comment on something you’re both experiencing. Keep it light and observational. See where it leads.

These openers give people something simple to respond to and keep things grounded in the moment:

“This coffee shop has the coziest vibe. Have you been here before?”
“The line for food is no joke today.”
“This playlist is oddly calming for a networking event, right?”

Keep a few go-to questions in your back pocket

Having a handful of questions or conversation starters in your arsenal will always come in handy. Here are a few you can reach for if you need them:

“What’s your go-to comfort TV show?”
“Have you eaten anywhere great lately?”
“What’s something you’re looking forward to this month?”
“How do you usually spend your weekends?”

Follow your curiosity, not a script

You don’t have to be witty in a small talk conversation. Just be interested. If someone mentions something that sparks your curiosity, go with it. Ask a follow-up question, share something related, and follow your curiosity. It’s way more engaging (and authentic) than mentally cycling through pre-written lines.

Ride out the awkward pauses

Ah, the dreaded lull. Instead of viewing it as a failure, see it as a breather. Take a sip of your drink, glance around, or even name the awkwardness. You can say something like, “I always blank on what to say next during small talk.” Chances are, they’ll laugh and feel relieved by the reminder of being human.

Find a mutual thread and gently tug on it

If you stumble into shared territory—a love for dogs, a mutual hatred of Monday mornings, or an irrational fear of clowns—linger there for a moment. You don’t have to dive deep, but you can add layers. That’s how small talk evolves into real talk.

This might mean sharing a few of your own personal stories, or asking follow up questions like, “Did you have a dog growing up?” or, “What do you do to get through your Monday mornings?” or, “How do you feel about mimes?”

Practice when the pressure’s low

You don’t need to be mingling at a conference or work happy hour to work on your small talk game. Say hi to your neighbor, ask your barista how their day is going, make a quick comment to the person in line behind you at the post office. These tiny experiences help build confidence so you’re better prepared to handle the more important moments of small talk, aka “networking.”

Know when to wrap it up

Some conversations fizzle naturally, and that’s fine and may even be welcomed. You’re not obligated to keep things going just for the sake of it. A kind, simple exit line like, “It was so nice chatting. I’m gonna grab another drink/find my colleague,” allows you to slip away gracefully.

Accept that some awkwardness is part of the deal

You will say weird things sometimes. You will second-guess yourself. You will accidentally interrupt someone or blank mid-sentence. It’s fine. Most people are too busy managing their own inner awkwardness to notice yours.

Remember that not everyone will be your person

And that’s not a sign to shut down or socially isolate or shame yourself into oblivion. It just means you’re human with preferences of who you like to connect with and who you don’t. If the energy isn’t vibing, don’t force it. Wish them well in your head and move along. Your energy is valuable, so save it for the ones who meet you in the middle.

💙 Learn to fake it ‘til you make it with help from Jay Shetty’s session on the power of the Smile.

15 small talk topics to get a conversation flowing

When your brain goes blank and all you can think of is the weather (again), it helps to have a stash of reliable conversation starters ready to go. The goal here isn’t to impress, but rather to open a door. You’re giving the other person something easy to respond to, with a low chance of awkwardness and a decent shot at genuine connection.

Here are 15 easy, and surprisingly effective, small talk topics to get things rolling.

1. “What’s your go-to comfort show or movie?”

Everyone has that one thing they rewatch to quiet their minds or when life feels like a lot. Whether it’s rewatching Gilmore Girls and pretending you’re sipping coffee in Luke’s Diner or snuggling up to revisit Elle Woods as she studies for the LSAT, this question usually sparks a relaxed, joyful conversation. Plus, it may likely lead to mutual obsessions.

2. “Have you tried any good food spots lately?”

This one is a crowd-pleaser. People love to talk about food. Even if they haven’t eaten out recently, it often leads to fun tangents about favorite dishes, funny stories about when they were a server, or even discussions about travel.

3. “How do you usually spend your weekends?”

This gives you insight into someone’s lifestyle without being too nosy. Plus, it opens up a wide range of responses from hobbies to routines to “literally nothing,” which can be a bonding moment all on its own.

4. “What’s your dream vacation spot?”

It’s light, hopeful, and gets people thinking about sandy beaches or cozy cabins in the woods. Travel talk can easily pivot into great stories, cultural tidbits, or even bucket-list swaps.

5. “Are you an early bird or a night owl?”

This one’s delightfully simple but weirdly revealing. It often leads to mini rants about sleep struggles or confessions about caffeine dependence. It could even open the door to discovering more about their hobbies, like early morning writing sessions or nighttime exercise.

6. “Do you have any pets?”

Animal lovers will light up at this one, because who doesn’t love talking about their pet? It can kick off a parade of cute photos and funny stories. And even if they don’t have a pet, almost everyone has a favorite animal they've loved meeting at one time or another.

7. “What kind of music do you have on repeat right now?”

Music is emotional, nostalgic, and personal, while also being universally accessible. Plus, it can lead to shared playlists, concert memories, or passionate debates about the superior version of a song.

8. “Learn anything random or cool lately?”

This one brings out all the weird trivia, obscure podcast episodes, or fun facts people are quietly hoarding for moments just like this. It’s playful, a little nerdy, and great for sparking connection. And you may end up learning something random or cool in the process.

9. “If you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be?”

This one gets imaginative fast, and the answers can range from funny to unexpectedly deep. It’s also a nice detour from the typical career talk.

10. “What’s something you’re looking forward to this week?”

This invites a little optimism and can reveal what someone values, whether it’s a dinner with friends, a solo hike, or just sleeping past 7am.

11. “What app do you use way more than you should?”

This one is always good for a laugh (and a mutual reality check when it comes to screen time). Whether it’s TikTok, Zillow, or the deep threads of Reddit, it sparks surprisingly fun convos about habits and guilty pleasures.

12. “Picked up any weird hobbies recently?”

From baking sourdough to learning the ukulele to perfecting the art of candle-making, it’s all on the table. And if they haven’t picked up a hobby, that could open the door for a fun conversation, too. You never know, you might inspire someone to try something new just by sharing your own experience with them.

13. “What’s your favorite way to procrastinate?”

This is a light, cheeky way to talk about personality quirks without getting too serious. Bonus: It often leads to hilarious confessions and maybe even some tips you may want to steal.

14. “If you had a podcast, what would it be about?”

This question is creative, open-ended, and allows people to talk about what lights them up. A win-win. If they have no idea, you can always ask what their favorite podcasts are, which can result in an equally fun and stimulating conversation.

15. “What’s your go-to takeout order?”

This question is comforting, familiar, and sometimes revealing. People have strong opinions about their ideal pizza toppings or the superior Indian dish. Plus, it’s a great way to spark nostalgia and get dinner ideas.

💙 Learn how to have meaningful conversations while keeping it light with this meditation led by Jay Shetty on Deeper Communication.

Small talk topics FAQs

How can I start small talk when I feel shy or anxious?

Start small. Like, really small. You don’t need to wow anyone. Just need to show up. Try a simple observation about your surroundings. You can say, “This place smells amazing,” or “That’s a great bag. Where’d you get it?”

When in doubt, lead with kindness. A smile and a genuine compliment can go a long way. And if your voice shakes or you fumble your words, that’s okay. Most people are too busy worrying about how they sound to notice you’re nervous. You’re allowed to be a little awkward and still connect.

Can small talk really lead to meaningful conversation?

Yes, and here’s the magic: Some of the deepest relationships start with the most forgettable exchanges. Small talk is the doorway, not the destination. It’s how you get a feel for someone’s vibe before diving into the deeper stuff.

Not every small talk moment will turn into something life-changing, but some of them will surprise you. Even just a “Same!” in response to your random opinion about soup can be a step toward friendship. Connection rarely announces itself with a drumroll. It usually shows up randomly.

What should I avoid saying during small talk?

In general, steer clear of overly polarizing topics like politics, religion, or hot takes about people’s life choices, unless you know the other person will be receptive to that kind of conversation. Also, be mindful not to interrogate. If someone doesn’t want to talk about something, don’t push. It’s a conversation, not a podcast interview.

Also, oversharing (or trauma-dumping) too soon can feel overwhelming (for both parties). You don’t have to spill your entire backstory five minutes in. Think of small talk as gently knocking on the door, not kicking it open. If you fall into this naturally, here are seven tips to help you stop oversharing.

How can I improve at small talk over time?

Like anything, small talk gets easier with practice. The more you do it, the less scary it feels, and the more you’ll start to recognize that most people are just as unsure as you are.

Start with low-stakes situations (a smile and a “How’s your day going?” to the barista totally counts), and reflect afterward. What worked? What felt off? Also, listen to others. Eavesdropping (ethically) on how people casually chat in line or at the office can be surprisingly educational.

What are some good small talk topics to break the ice?

Anything light, open-ended, and not too personal is fair game. Think food, travel, hobbies, recent shows or books, pets, weekend plans, or funny observations. “Have you seen any good movies lately?” is a classic. So is “What do you usually do on weekends?”

If you’re in the same setting, use it to your advantage with, “Have you been to one of these events before?” or, “I wasn’t sure what to expect, but this place is cool.”

The best icebreakers are the ones that feel natural and invite the other person to share something they enjoy talking about. Think of it as offering a little conversational gift and seeing if they want to unwrap it.

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Calm Editorial Team