How to overcome trust issues in relationships: signs & causes
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Learn what trust issues are and the signs to look out for. Plus, why you might have trust issues, and how to overcome a lack of trust in your relationships.
Trust is fundamental to all the relationships in our lives, whether that’s with a partner, friends or colleagues. But sometimes issues arise when establishing trust that can be damaging to the relationship. Learning more about the causes and signs of trust issues can empower us to mend and strengthen our connections. And taking steps to overcome trust issues can help you ensure your relationships are healthy and fulfilling.
What are trust issues?
Trust issues are the challenges some people face in believing others are reliable, honest, and loyal. Experiencing trust issues can mean you’re constantly battling doubts about others' intentions, which often leads to feeling isolated or misunderstood. It can keep you from forming and maintaining healthy relationships out of fear you might be hurt or betrayed. This lack of trust can influence all areas of your life, from personal relationships to professional interactions.
But first, it’s important to understand the positive elements of trust in our lives and relationships.
6 positive aspects of trust in our lives
Being yourself: When trust is present, you’re able to be your true self without fear of judgment or betrayal. This authenticity is key to building genuine connections.
Feeling safe and secure: Trust provides a sense of security, a crucial element for stable and healthy relationships.
Focusing on positivity: With trust, your focus can shift from worry and suspicion to appreciating and enjoying your connections with others.
Increased closeness and intimacy: Trust can deepen your relationships, with intimacy, understanding, and stronger bonds.
Reduced stress and anxiety: Trust can help lower the levels of stress and anxiety in your interactions. You can worry less about what might happen and enjoy the present moment.
Improved communication: Resolving conflicts and understanding each other better can be easier, as trust encourages open and honest communication.
4 types of trust issues
Trust issues can show up in several forms. Understanding these different types may help you approach these challenges with empathy and patience, both for yourself and others, which can open the door to healthier and more trusting relationships. It's important to remember that trust issues aren’t a reflection of your character, but, instead are a response to past experiences.
1. Trust issues in romantic relationships
People with trust issues in romantic relationships might find it hard to believe their partner is faithful, or has their best interests at heart. This can lead to constant doubts and questioning, straining the relationship even if these fears aren’t based in reality. On the other hand, trust issues in romantic relationships can develop after infidelity, lying, or poor and inconsistent communication.
2. Trust issues in friendships
Trust issues between friends might make you struggle to open up and share personal thoughts, fearing your friends might let you down. When you doubt your friendships are genuine, forming deep and lasting connections can be challenging.
3. Trust issues in family relationships
Past experiences, like family conflicts, broken promises, or inconsistency in support, can lead to distrust within family dynamics. This can result in hesitancy to confide in, or rely on, family members.
4. Trust issues in professional relationships
At work, trust issues can affect teamwork, collaboration, and overall job satisfaction. You might doubt colleagues' competence, intentions, or reliability. This can lead to difficulties in delegating tasks, working in teams, or building networks.
9 signs of mistrust in a relationship
Knowing the signs of trust issues can help us better understand our own behavior and the behavior of others. Try to approach these issues with understanding and compassion—building trust is a gradual process, but with the right tools and mindset, you can achieve it.
1. Suspicion: You might find yourself or your partner constantly questioning each other's motives, whereabouts, or actions without a valid reason.
2. Assuming the worst: People with trust issues often expect negative outcomes. For instance, if your partner is late, you might think they’re being unfaithful or dishonest, rather than considering other common reasons, like bad traffic or being held up at work.
3. Self-sabotage: A fear of getting hurt can lead to behaviors that harm your relationship, like pushing your partner away, refusing to get emotionally involved, or ending the relationship before you get too close.
4. Lack of forgiveness: Holding onto past mistakes—your own or your partner's—can be common with trust issues. This can keep old wounds open and stop you from moving forward.
5. Focusing on the negative: Trust issues might cause you to have a skewed view, focusing more on the negative aspects of the relationship and overlooking the positive.
6. False accusations: Regularly accusing a partner of wrongdoing—like infidelity or deceit—can be a sign of trust issues. This often stems from internal fears rather than the partner's behavior.
7. Anxiety symptoms: Constant worry about the relationship can cause anxiety, paranoia or even panic attacks, which can affect your overall wellbeing, including your physical health.
8. Avoidant behaviors: You might try to protect yourself from potential hurt by avoiding deep emotional connections, not committing to long-term plans, or keeping secrets.
9. Needy behaviors: Seeking constant reassurance or validation from your partner can be exhausting for both parties, putting strain on your relationship and causing unnecessary disagreements and discomfort.
“Why do I have trust issues?” 7 possible causes of lack of trust in relationships
Trust issues are often the result of past experiences and influences.
1. Parental conflicts: Experiences during childhood significantly shape our ability to trust. Trust issues can stem from witnessing conflicts or inconsistency in your parents' or caregivers' relationships. Inconsistent parenting, where love and attention are unpredictable, can also contribute to trust issues later in life.
2. Social rejection or bullying: Being rejected or bullied, especially during formative years, like pre-teen and teen, can have a long-lasting impact. These experiences might lead to a belief that others aren’t trustworthy.
3. Adverse life experiences: Traumatic events, such as witnessing violence, experiencing a natural disaster, or any form of abuse can deeply affect your ability to trust.
4. Betrayal in a relationship: Personal experiences of betrayal, such as a partner cheating or a friend breaking confidence, can make it hard to trust others in the future.
5. Attachment styles: Some attachment styles, like anxious or avoidant attachment, can make trust more difficult. These styles might develop early in life and influence later relationships.
6. Media and societal influence: Sometimes, trust issues can be fueled by stories, news, and societal messages that highlight betrayal and dishonesty. This can skew your perception of how trustworthy people are.
7. Previous personal failures: Sometimes our own past actions, like breaking someone’s trust, can lead us to project these behaviors onto others. This projection can cause us to believe that others might do the same.
How to overcome trust issues
Rebuilding trust takes time and effort from all parties involved, but it’s worth it to foster stronger, more trusting relationships.
Express your feelings and concerns
Openly communicate your fears and insecurities. Don’t keep them bottled up. This helps your partner understand your feelings and creates an opportunity for open conversations. Talk about what triggers your distrust and what you can both do to alleviate these fears.
💙 Journey into the deepest corners of your Hidden Emotions with this Daily Calm meditation, led by Tamara Levitt.
Take small steps to rebuild trust
Trust is rebuilt over time. Start with small acts of trust and gradually build up to more significant ones. Celebrate the small victories as they come.
💙 Rebuilding trust can take time. Strengthening Relationships, a guided exercise with Tamara Levitt, can put you on the path to forgiveness and repair.
Prioritize trust in your relationships and model trustworthiness
Make trust an essential part of your relationships. This means being consistent, reliable and open. Show the same level of trust and honesty that you seek from others. Be a trustworthy partner, friend, or family member to set a positive example and create a trusting environment. You can even participate in activities that can help build trust. This might be something simple like spending quality time together, or you might try trust-building workshops or counseling.
💙 Building Trust within yourself and with others takes time. LeBron James shares a personal experience on the importance of trust on the court that translates perfectly to everyday life.
Give people the chance to change
Understand that people can grow and learn from their mistakes. Offer the opportunity for change and be open to the efforts others make.
Seek to understand before being understood
Try to see situations from the other person’s perspective. An empathetic approach can help resolve misunderstandings and build mutual trust.
💙 When you feel yourself going on the defensive, take a moment to Slow the Swirl in Your Mind before you react.
Practice forgiveness
Holding onto past hurts can hinder you in rebuilding trust. Learning to forgive can be a powerful step toward healing.
💙 Release resentment and invite peace (and trust) into your life with the help of the Forgiveness series.
Seek professional help if needed
Sometimes, trust issues can be deep-rooted and challenging to overcome alone, so seek help from a therapist for guidance to help you rebuild trust.
Trust issues FAQs
What are trust issues?
Trust issues are the challenges and difficulties someone might have in believing in the reliability or integrity of others. When someone has trust issues, they often struggle with feelings of doubt and suspicion in their relationships. These issues can show up in various ways, such as being overly cautious about forming new relationships, worrying excessively about being betrayed, or having difficulty accepting what others say. Trust issues can stem from past experiences, such as betrayal or inconsistency in a person's life, and can significantly impact the quality of their relationships. It's essential to recognize and address these issues, as trust is a fundamental component of healthy and fulfilling relationships.
Are trust issues a red flag in relationships?
Trust issues can be concerning in relationships, but they're not necessarily a red flag. They often indicate past hurts or unresolved emotional challenges. If trust issues are impacting a relationship, it's important for both partners to communicate openly and work together to address their concerns with patience, empathy and understanding. In many cases, trust issues can be mended, leading to stronger and deeper connections. However, if trust issues are causing harmful behaviors like constant accusations, lack of respect, or emotional abuse, it's important to reevaluate the health and safety of the relationship. Guidance from a therapist can be beneficial.
How do psychologists fix trust issues?
Psychologists use various therapeutic approaches to help people overcome trust issues. One common method is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which involves identifying and challenging negative thought patterns and beliefs about trust, and replacing them with more positive and realistic ones. Counselors may help explore the roots of trust issues, such as past experiences or upbringing, and work on healing these underlying causes. Therapists might also suggest practical exercises to build trust, improve communication skills, and enhance emotional intelligence. Rebuilding trust issues takes time and effort, and therapy can help build a healthier sense of security in relationships.
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