What to say in a sympathy card: 60 messages from the heart
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
When you have a loved one in pain, it can be hard to know what to say. These 60 ideas can help you know what to write (and not write) in a sympathy card to show you care.
Writing a sympathy card can be difficult. Even when your heart is in the right place, the pressure to say the right thing can feel paralyzing. What if you upset them? What if you say too much — or too little? Sometimes, the blank card just sits there, unopened, while you try to puzzle out what they might like to hear.
We’re here to tell you that these feelings are extremely common. Wanting to avoid awkward moments or clichés can leave you drafting a dozen versions of the same message, none of them sounding like you.
The good news is that sympathy messages don’t have to be poetic or profound. They just need to be authentic and thoughtful. That usually offers more comfort than a perfectly worded paragraph. Here’s how to write a sympathy card that feels natural, loving, and supportive, plus a few heartfelt examples to help you find your words.
How to write a sympathy card that feels authentic and loving
There’s no formula for the “perfect” sympathy message, because there’s no perfect way to respond to someone else’s pain. What matters most is that your message feels true to your relationship and genuine in its intent. Whether you’re close to the person or barely know them, your words can offer real comfort when they come from a place of care.
Here are a few things to keep in mind:
Keep it short: You don’t have to write a mini-essay or find a magic sentence that makes everything better. One or two thoughtful lines can say everything you need.
Be yourself: If you wouldn’t normally say “sending heartfelt condolences,” don’t write it. Use your own voice, even if that means something simple like, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
Acknowledge the loss: It can be tempting to soften or avoid the hard stuff, but naming the event—whether it’s a death, breakup, or diagnosis—helps the person feel seen. Just a few words like, “I’m so sorry to hear about your mom,” can go a long way.
If it fits, share something personal: A small memory, a detail about the person they lost, or a brief note about how you’re holding them in your thoughts can help make your message feel more intimate and meaningful. Just make sure it’s about their loss, and not yours.
Don’t rush to fix or reframe: It’s natural to want to say something uplifting, but avoid phrases that minimize the experience. “At least they’re not suffering anymore” or “Everything happens for a reason” can unintentionally shut down grief.
Offer support, gently: Even if you’re not sure how to help, you can still show up. A simple “I’m here if you need anything” works. If you feel comfortable, offer something specific like, “I can bring over dinner next week” or “I’m happy to walk your dog while you rest.”
Most of all, remember that your message doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be kind.
What to say in a sympathy card: 60 messages to show you care
The right message isn’t about saying something groundbreaking — it’s about saying something true. These examples are designed to take the pressure off and help you find words that feel sincere, grounded, and appropriate for different kinds of loss or hardship. You can use them as-is or tweak them to sound more like your voice.
After injury or illness
1. “Thinking of you and hoping each day brings a little more healing and a little less pain.”
2. “Wishing you strength, rest, and small comforts.”
3. “If you’re too tired to text back, don’t worry. Just know I’m thinking of you and will be checking in.”
4. “You’ve been through a lot. I hope you’re being extra kind to yourself.”
5. “Let me know if you need a grocery run, a ride, or just someone to sit with.”
6. “No pressure to respond. I’m just sending care your way.”
7. “I hope you find a moment of peace today. And if not, maybe tomorrow.”
8. “It’s okay to rest. You don’t have to be ‘strong’ right now.”
9. “I’m here for you. Every step of the way.”
10. “Healing will take time and there’s no rush to be okay. Be gentle with yourself.”
Related read: How to cheer someone up: 5 ways to help a friend feel better
After a breakup or divorce
11. “This kind of heartbreak is its own kind of grief. I’m here if you want to talk.”
12. “You don’t need to explain anything. I’m in your corner no matter what.”
13. “You deserve so much tenderness right now. From others and from yourself.”
14. “I hope you’re finding little ways to feel okay, even when it all feels messy.”
15. “Breakups suck, even when they’re the right decision.”
16. “You’re allowed to feel every feeling. There’s no wrong way to grieve this.”
17. “When you’re ready for a chat, bad TV, snacks, or venting — I’m here.”
18. “Your heart will recalibrate. Until then, I’ve got you.”
19. “I’m so sorry. I know this isn’t what you hoped for.”
20. “It’s okay if you don’t feel like yourself right now. You’re still you, and you’re still loved.”
Related read: How to help a grieving friend: 5 ways to support their grief
💙 Learn more about grief during the Calm Conversations: Dan Levy and Mel Mah “Good Grief” session.
After a death or loss
21. “I’m so sorry for your loss. [Name] was deeply loved.”
22. “There are no perfect words, but please know I’m holding you in my heart.”
23. “Grief is love with nowhere to go. I’m here with you.”
24. “If you ever want to share memories—or just sit in silence—I’m here.”
25. “I’ll never forget the way [Name] made me feel. What a gift they were.”
26. “I hope you’re surrounded by gentleness and grace right now.”
27. “Wishing you moments of peace and the support you need to walk through this.”
28. “Be kind to yourself in the coming days. You don’t have to hold it all together.”
29. “This is hard and unfair. Please let me know if I can help ease anything.”
30. “You’re not alone in missing them. I’ll be remembering [Name] with you.”
Read more: What to say when someone dies (and what to avoid)
💙 Explore the process of Grieving with this series led by Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, PhD, on the Calm app
After pregnancy or infant loss
31. “There are no words for a loss like this. Just deep, quiet care.”
32. “Your grief is real, and so is the love you hold. I’m so sorry.”
33. “I’m heartbroken for you. Sending love to you.”
34. “You and your baby are loved. That doesn’t end here.”
35. “Please take all the time you need. You don’t owe anyone explanations.”
36. “This is a loss that so many don’t talk about, but you don’t have to carry it alone.”
37. “Even after loss, you are still their parent. And you are not alone.”
Related read: How to comfort someone who had a miscarriage: 10 ways to help
After job loss or career disappointment
38. “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You deserved better.”
39. “Losing a job doesn’t say anything about your worth or talent.”
40. “This news sucks. I’m here for you, whether you want to vent or brainstorm.”
41. “You’re allowed to grieve this. It was a big part of your life.”
42. “Take the time you need to regroup. I’ve got your back.”
43. “If there’s anything I can do—coffee, resume review, or even a distraction—I’m in.”
44. “You are capable, valued, and resilient. This is a setback, not the end.”
Related read: Job loss anxiety: How to handle the stress of losing your job
During general hardship or uncertainty
45. “I don’t have the right words, but I care about you and I’m here.”
46. “This sounds incredibly heavy. I hope you’re finding small ways to rest.”
47. “You don’t have to figure everything out right now.”
48. “Whatever this chapter is, you don’t have to face it alone.”
49. “Thinking of you often and hoping things feel a little lighter soon.”
50. “Even if you’re not okay right now, that’s okay. You’re still doing your best.”
51. “I’m here for you. No pressure to respond, I just wanted to say that.”
52. “You are not a burden. You are a person in a hard season.”
53. “Sometimes all you can do is make it to the next day. And that’s enough.”
54. “Sending love, patience, and care.”
💙 Deepen your relationships with our Meaningful Practice for Meaningful Friendship series on the Calm app.
General messages that fit most situations
55. “You’ve been on my mind. I’m wishing you whatever peace you can find today.”
56. “I wanted to check in on you, but there’s no pressure to respond or explain.”
57. “You don’t have to be okay for me to show up.”
58. “If all you did today was take care of yourself, I hope you’re proud of that.”
59. “Whatever you’re carrying, I hope you know you’re not alone.”
60. “Just wanted to say: you matter. Especially right now.”
Related read: How to help a friend with depression: 8 ways to offer support
What not to say in a sympathy card
When someone’s grieving or going through something painful, even well-meaning words can land the wrong way. That doesn’t mean you have to tiptoe or second-guess every sentence, but it does mean being thoughtful about tone and avoiding phrases that might minimize or oversimplify what they’re feeling.
Here are a few types of messages to steer clear of.
Platitudes and clichés
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“At least they’re not suffering anymore.”
“Time heals all wounds.”
“They’re in a better place now.”
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
Even if you believe these things, they can come across as dismissive. Most people don’t need silver linings, they need space to hurt.
Comparisons
“I know exactly how you feel.”
“When I lost my [insert person or situation]…”
“This reminds me of when I went through [xyz].”
Every loss is personal. Even if your experiences are similar, it’s usually more comforting to focus on the person in front of you.
Pressure to feel better or move on
“You’ll get through this.”
“You’re so strong. You’ve got this.”
“It’s time to move on.”
“You’ll find someone else.”
“It’s probably for the best.”
Even when these are meant as encouragement, they can sound like a push to rush the process.
Religious or spiritual messages (unless you’re sure they’re welcome)
“God needed another angel.”
“This was part of God’s plan.”
“You’ll see them again in heaven.”
Unless you know the person shares those beliefs, these can feel alienating rather than comforting.
If you’re unsure what to say, try this instead: acknowledge the pain, be honest if you’re not sure what to say, and offer support. A simple “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you” can mean more than a hundred polished words.
What to say in a sympathy card FAQs
What do you write in a sympathy card if you didn’t know the person who died?
Even if you didn’t know the person who passed away, your message can still offer meaningful support. Focus on acknowledging the loss and expressing care for the grieving person.
You might write something like, “I didn’t know your mom personally, but I’ve heard how special she was. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” You don’t need to reference the deceased in detail, just let your friend or loved one know they’re not alone.
What are some examples of what not to say in a sympathy card
Avoid anything that tries to explain, justify, or rush someone’s grief. This includes phrases like “Everything happens for a reason,” “At least they’re in a better place,” or “You’ll find someone else.”
These comments are often meant to help but can feel dismissive. It’s also best to steer clear of comparisons to your own experiences, unless the person has asked for your perspective. The most helpful messages focus on presence and support, not answers.
What are some types of sympathy cards?
Sympathy cards come in all styles — from formal and traditional to casual, humorous, or artistic. Some focus on spiritual or religious messages, while others keep things neutral.
The best type of card is one that matches your relationship and reflects the tone you want to convey. If you’re unsure, a simple design with space to write your own message is always a safe and thoughtful choice.
Can I send condolences by text or email?
Yes. Especially if that’s how you typically communicate, a thoughtful message via text or email can be meaningful and timely. While handwritten cards still carry a certain weight, digital messages can offer immediate comfort and open the door to continued support.
If you feel moved to send a card later—or follow up in person—you can always do that, too.
How long should a sympathy message be?
It doesn’t need to be long at all. In most cases, two or three sentences is enough. The goal is to offer care with a short message that comes from the heart.
Something as simple as, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m here for you,” often feels more supportive than a longer message that overexplains or tries to fix things. Trust that your presence, not your word count, is what matters most.
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