What to do when you’re no longer connected in your marriage
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Feeling disconnected in your marriage? Explore the reasons why you may have lost that spark and 10 tips to help you rebuild connection and make it stronger than ever.
No matter how much you and your partner love each other, you might go through phases where you feel out of sync. Life gets busy, stress piles up, and sometimes, without even realizing it, the bond you share with your partner starts to feel weaker.
You might be noticing that you have fewer meaningful conversations or that you can’t remember the last time you had a good laugh together. Maybe there's been a drop in intimacy or overall affection. Some people can even start to feel like roommates instead of romantic partners.
Of course, this can feel pretty terrible, especially if conversations start to feel more like chores than moments of connection. But take a deep breath — your marriage isn’t doomed. A rough patch is just a sign that your relationship needs some attention.
8 reasons you may feel disconnected in your marriage
If you’re feeling disconnected in your marriage, odds are, it didn’t happen overnight. It’s usually because of small, gradual changes that add up over time.
Digging into the reasons behind the disconnect can make it easier to get back to where you want to be. Here are eight common reasons you might feel distant from your partner:
1. Lack of communication: When you and your spouse stop sharing your thoughts, feelings, or even day-to-day updates, you may find yourself drifting apart. You might feel like you’re living separate lives or like you just don’t understand each other anymore.
2. Unresolved conflicts: When you don’t resolve arguments or disagreements, resentment and frustration can build. You might start to pull away to protect yourself from further hurt, but this distance can make it even harder to reconnect.
3. Busy schedules and stress: Life can get so hectic and it’s easy to de-prioritize your marriage. If you keep saying things like, “We just don’t have time for each other,” this might be one of the underlying reasons you feel disconnected.
4. Physical or emotional burnout: When you’re burned out, it’s hard to be present, engage in meaningful conversations, or even notice what your spouse might need. If you or your partner are feeling overwhelmed and exhausted—whether it’s from family issues, financial stress, or parenting—it can leave little energy for the relationship. These 13 burnout recovery tips can help you bounce back.
5. Different priorities or values: People grow and change over time, and sometimes that leads you in different directions. Maybe you’ve developed new interests or goals that your partner doesn’t share, or perhaps you’ve started to see things differently when it comes to money, parenting, or politics. These shifts can create a sense of distance, especially if they’re not acknowledged or discussed.
6. Lack of intimacy: Intimacy is about more than just physical touch — it’s also about emotional closeness. If either of these is missing, it can leave you feeling disconnected from your spouse. Sometimes, a lack of intimacy comes from physical or emotional barriers, like health issues, stress, or unresolved conflicts. No matter the cause, rebuilding intimacy is an essential part of reconnecting.
7. Mental health challenges: Mental health challenges like anxiety and depression can affect how you relate to your partner. When one of you is struggling emotionally, it’s common for the other to feel pushed away or helpless. Mental health challenges can make it harder to communicate, engage, or even show affection, but they don’t have to create a permanent wall between you. Here’s 10 tips to plan a mental health day to help you find balance.
8. Unrealistic expectations: Sometimes, we place unrealistic expectations on our partners without realizing it. You might think they should know what you need without saying it, or to meet all your emotional needs on their own. When those expectations aren’t met, you might feel disappointed — and distant.
How to rebuild connection in your marriage: 10 mindful tips
Everyone wants to feel close and connected to the person they love — but sometimes it can take a little bit of work to get back there. This might mean putting more effort than usual, and acknowledging that it takes time to rebuild emotional connection. Here are 10 mindful tips to help you and your spouse grow closer again.
1. Make time for each other
Remember that no matter what’s going on in your life, your relationship deserves regular attention. Set aside time for just the two of you, even if it’s as simple as sharing a cup of coffee in the morning or going for a walk together after dinner.
Scheduling a weekly date night can create moments to reconnect and remind you both of why you fell in love — even if it’s just a cozy night at home together.
Does this sound impossible? Explore these 10 tips for making more time in your day for the things—and people—you love.
2. Communicate openly and honestly
Honest communication is the foundation of connection. Share how you’re feeling without blaming or criticizing your partner. Try using “I feel” statements that focus on your feelings rather than their actions.
Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “I feel unheard when I’m sharing my thoughts.” This approach invites your spouse into the conversation without putting them on the defensive.
3. Address unresolved conflicts with care
Lingering arguments can quietly eat away at your relationship. Sit down together and talk openly about unresolved issues, focusing on finding solutions instead of assigning blame.
Apologize for your part in past disagreements and commit to moving forward as a team. This can help clear the air and pave the way for deeper connection.
💙 Listening, apologizing, forgiving… relationships can be hard. The Relationship with Others Series of meditations can help you work on these important skills.
4. Rekindle physical intimacy if possible
Physical closeness plays a big role in emotional connection. Start small with simple gestures like holding hands, hugging, or cuddling on the couch.
If intimacy has become a challenge, talk openly with your partner about what feels comfortable and meaningful to both of you. Rebuilding physical connection often starts with small, consistent efforts — and these seven tips might help you find ways to get started.
5. Practice active listening
Listening is more than just hearing words — it’s about truly understanding what your partner is saying.
When they talk, give them your full attention. Avoid interrupting or thinking about your response while they’re speaking. Instead, nod, make eye contact, and repeat back what you’ve heard to show that you’re fully present.
💙 Check out the Listening Deeply session of the Daily Jay to help you hone your focus on your spouse.
6. Try something new together
Shared experiences can reignite your bond and bring a fresh energy to your relationship. Try cooking a new recipe together, taking a dance class, or even planning a small day trip to a place you’ve never been. Explore our seven tips for learning something new every day.
New activities give you the chance to laugh, learn, and connect in ways that remind you of the fun you can have as a couple.
7. Show appreciation regularly
When was the last time you thanked your partner for something they did? Regular, everyday acts of gratitude can go a long way in making them feel valued.
Remembering to say “Thank you for cooking dinner” or “I really appreciate how hard you work,” builds positivity and connection in your relationship. It can also be a real boost for you.
💙 If gratitude is hard, explore our Gratitude Masterclass with Tamara Levitt.
8. Focus on small acts of kindness
Little gestures can have a big impact. Leave them a note saying you’re thinking of them, surprise them with their favorite snack, or take over a chore they usually handle.
These small acts of kindness show that you’re paying attention and care about making their day better.
9. Practice mindfulness together
Mindfulness can help you both feel more present and connected. Try sitting together for a short guided meditation or doing a breathing exercise.
Even taking a few minutes to sit quietly and hold hands while focusing on your breath can help you reconnect on a deeper level.
💙 The Daily Calm can be a great meditation to do with your spouse and chat about how you’re both feeling after — and the good news is, there’s a new one to try together every day.
10. Consider professional help
If the disconnection feels too big to tackle on your own, a couples therapist can offer tools and strategies to help you both.
Therapy isn’t a sign of failure — it’s an investment in your relationship. A professional can help you navigate challenges, improve communication, and rebuild your emotional bond.
When you are no longer connected in a marriage FAQs
Is it normal to lose connection in a marriage?
It’s completely normal to experience periods of disconnection in a marriage. Relationships naturally go through phases, and life’s demands—like work, raising kids, or managing personal stress—can make it harder to maintain the closeness you once had.
You might find yourselves drifting apart without realizing it, but this doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. Feeling disconnected is often just a signal that something in your relationship needs attention.
The important thing is to recognize this and take steps to address it together — many couples emerge from these challenging periods with a stronger bond than before. If you’re wanting to address emotional drift, try asking each other these 15 fun questions to deepen your bond.
What to do when you feel disconnected from your spouse?
When you feel disconnected from your spouse, acknowledge your feelings and approach the situation with openness. Let your partner know how you’re feeling in a calm, non-accusatory way. For example, you could say, “I’ve been feeling a little distant from you lately, and I’d love to find ways for us to reconnect.” This opens the door for a conversation without placing blame.
Once you’ve shared your feelings, focus on taking small steps together to rebuild your bond. Spend more intentional time together, communicate more openly, and make an effort to show appreciation for one another. These 11 examples of relationship goals can be a great conversation starter to talk about what you want your shared future to include.
If things feel too overwhelming to handle alone, seeking help from a counselor can provide guidance and support.
How can I improve communication with my spouse?
Improving communication starts with a willingness to listen and be open. Make time for conversations where you’re both free of distractions — turn off the TV, put away your phones, and really focus on each other.
Practice active listening, which means not interrupting and truly trying to understand your spouse’s perspective — these seven exercises can help.
Use “I” statements to express how you’re feeling without sounding accusatory, such as “I feel stressed when we don’t talk about our plans,” instead of “You never help me with decisions.” It’s also important to check in regularly, even about small things.
Are there specific meditation techniques that can help couples reconnect?
Meditation can be a great way for couples to reconnect by supporting them to be mindful and present in their relationship. Guided meditation for couples often focuses on gratitude, compassion, and creating emotional closeness — these six exercises can get you started.
You can also try doing some basic breathing exercises together. Sit quietly, hold hands, and take slow, deep breaths, focusing on the sensation of being present with each other.
If either of you are new to meditation, starting with just a few minutes a day can make a noticeable difference. It’s all about making time to be present, together.
When should we consider seeking professional help for our relationship?
If you’ve tried to reconnect but still feel stuck, it might be time to consider professional help. Therapy can be particularly helpful if communication has broken down, conflicts are recurring without resolution, or you’re experiencing feelings of resentment, anger, or emotional distance that seem hard to overcome on your own.
A licensed counselor or therapist can offer tailored support to improve communication, address underlying issues, and rebuild trust and connection.
Seeking therapy isn’t a sign of failure — it shows your commitment to making the relationship work. Many couples find that even just a few sessions provide clarity and renewed hope for their partnership.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life.
Images: Getty
