How to navigate romantic workplace relationships with care
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Dating someone at work? Learn about the potential risks and 10 tips for managing workplace relationships without risking your job, reputation, or emotional balance.
Finding someone you connect with is special and maybe even rare. But when that person is your co-worker, it’s tough to know how to proceed. Do you tell them how you feel, or ignore your feelings and hope they disappear? If you end up dating and you break up, will you suddenly dread going to the office? And if things go well, could it change how your other coworkers see you?
The truth is, workplace romances are more common than you might think. Many employee handbooks have entire sections on them for this very reason!
And while workplace relationships can come with hiccups, you don’t necessarily have to choose between your job and your personal life. Here’s everything you need to know about dating a coworker.
What are the potential risks of dating a co-worker?
Starting a relationship with someone you work with can feel exhilarating, because you get to spend so much time with someone you actually like. But, at the same time, that closeness can also make the relationship challenging.
If you’re considering dating a co-worker, here are six common risks to consider beforehand:
Conflicts of interest: A power imbalance of any kind can raise ethical concerns. Even if you’re both operating with integrity, others may assume favoritism is at play in certain circumstances, which can affect morale.
Blurred boundaries: Some people may blur professional and personal lines. Arguments that start at home might follow you into work. Stress from your job can bleed into your relationship. Without clear boundaries, both spaces could start to feel emotionally messy.
Privacy concerns: You might think you’re being subtle, but your coworkers may notice shifts in behavior. People could start gossiping, which could feel invasive and might add pressure to your relationship.
Emotional strain: If the relationship goes through a rough patch or ends, you’ll still see each other regularly. That daily proximity could make healing harder and might impact your emotional wellbeing and your ability to focus.
Impact on reputation and credibility: Dating a coworker can lead others to question your judgment. These perceptions may be unfair, but they can still influence how colleagues interact with you.
Legal or HR consequences: Some companies have clear policies against certain types of workplace relationships, and failing to disclose your relationship could lead to disciplinary action or even termination.
How to manage a workplace relationship: 10 mindful tips
If it’s not handled with care, romance in the workplace can have major consequences. Of course, for some people, it also feels unavoidable.
Every situation is different, but here are some tips for managing a workplace relationship mindfully.
1. Check your company’s relationship policy
Take a look at your employee handbook or company website. Some organizations require disclosure of workplace relationships, especially if one person supervises the other. Others may prohibit them entirely.
This might not be the most romantic step, but it’s an essential one. Being informed can also help prevent unnecessary backlash and make you feel more at ease.
2. Keep it balanced and consensual
Make sure both people feel equally invested and empowered in the relationship. If there’s any professional overlap, consider ways to remove or reduce that influence. To that end, one of you may need to switch teams or step away from collaborative projects.
Read more: How to manage stress at work: 6 tips to relieve the pressure
3. Talk through what professionalism looks like
Early on, have a candid conversation about what boundaries feel right, and check in regularly to adjust them as needed.
Keep in mind that every couple’s version of “professional” will look different. For some, it could mean avoiding all physical contact at work. For others, it could just mean sitting apart in meetings.
💙 Practice engaging in Kind Communication around your values and boundaries with help from this session of the Daily Calm.
4. Decide who to tell and when
You don’t owe everyone all the details of your relationship, but being too secretive can also backfire. Think about who should know, like your manager or HR, and how to share the news.
You could say to your manager, “We just wanted to let you know that we’re dating, and we’re committed to keeping things professional.” This can go a long way towards building trust.
5. Avoid PDA in the workplace
Save physical affection, pet names, or romantic gestures for after-hours. Even casual actions, like eating lunch together every day or always leaving at the same time, can stand out.
A little discretion can help protect both your reputation and your relationship.
6. Don’t let conflict spill into work
When your partner is also your coworker, it’s important to compartmentalize anything personal happening between the two of you. If you’re in the middle of an argument, it’s okay to ask for space until after work.
If you bring tension into meetings or messaging apps, it can make things uncomfortable for you and your entire team.
💙 Learn the art of De-escalating Conflict with your partner during this session from the Relationships With Others Series.
7. Set digital boundaries
Keep personal communication on personal platforms, and use professional channels only for work-related tasks.
If your messages ever need to be reviewed by HR, you want to be confident they reflect your professionalism.
💙 Dr. Aditi Nerurkar teaches you How To Set Digital Boundaries in this session from her Build Healthier Phone Habits series.
8. Invest in friendships outside of work
Make time for friends, family, and hobbies that remind you who you are outside of your job and your relationship. This can help strengthen your bond and give you both more topics to catch up over when you spend quality time together.
Read more: How to make & keep friends as an adult: 10 ways to connect
9. Think ahead
It might feel unromantic to plan for a breakup, but talking through potential outcomes is actually an act of care. Ask yourself what you would do if things ended, and discuss whether you could still collaborate respectfully.
10. Protect your growth and goals
Be mindful of how your relationship may influence or limit your individual goals. Your individual careers matter, so be sure you’re always getting feedback and pursuing opportunities that will help you grow.
Read more: How to be independent: 10 ways to become more self-reliant
Workplace relationships FAQs
Is it okay to date someone at work?
Depending on where you work, it may be okay to date a colleague if your feelings are mutual and the relationship is handled thoughtfully.
In general, what matters most is how you both manage the relationship once it starts. Be mindful of company policies, consider the potential impact on your team, and ensure there’s no power imbalance that could create ethical concerns.
How do I keep my workplace relationship professional?
Professionalism in a workplace relationship typically means setting boundaries that protect both your reputation and your connection. That could look like avoiding physical affection at work and using neutral language in meetings. It also could mean keeping personal disagreements outside of work conversations and treating each other with the same respect and fairness you would to any colleague.
A good way to keep it professional is by showing that you take your role seriously and that you’re committed to maintaining a productive work environment no matter what.
Can workplace relationships lead to problems?
If you’re not careful, issues like perceived favoritism, team discomfort, and personal conflict spilling into professional spaces can arise. Also, if the relationship ends, you may struggle to continue working closely together.
That said, many people navigate workplace relationships successfully. To make it work as seamlessly as possible, try to anticipate potential challenges and create a plan for how you’d handle them. Setting clear boundaries and having a willingness to adapt can help, too.
What’s the difference between a workplace friendship and a workplace relationship?
A workplace friendship is usually rooted in shared experiences and camaraderie. You like the person and spend time together, but it’s a platonic relationship. A workplace relationship—or romance— usually involves intimacy and a deeper level of vulnerability.
Should I tell HR about a workplace relationship?
It depends, but if there’s any kind of reporting relationship—like one person being the other’s manager—telling HR about a workplace relationship is usually required. Even if you’re peers, some companies still ask for disclosure just to help manage potential conflicts of interest.
Letting HR know might feel awkward, but being proactive about it can help protect both of you.
If you’re unsure whether disclosure is necessary, review your employee handbook or have a confidential conversation with an HR representative just to be safe.
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