Relationship anxiety: 6 signs and how to deal with it
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Learn about relationship anxiety — what it is, as well as the signs, and possible causes. Plus, how to deal with relationship anxiety if you're feeling uneasy.
Falling in love is often described as one of the most euphoric experiences you can have. Yet, behind those dreamy dates and sweet nothings, there's a side of love that isn't talked about as much—the uneasy feeling that something isn't right or the fear that it might all come crashing down.
Relationship anxiety can sneak into any relationship, no matter how strong or stable. Recognizing the signs and understanding how to navigate the causes, can bring ease to the anxiety and the relationship.
What is relationship anxiety?
Relationship anxiety is the persistent worry and nervousness one feels in romantic relationships. It’s a common phenomenon that can manifest to varying degrees. Having butterflies in your stomach is normal, but when the fluttering turns into a constant state of stress, it can become a problem.
Most of us have felt anxious at some point in a relationship. This might manifest as a racing heart, chronic overthinking, or a need for reassurance. And it’s not easy to manage. Relationship anxiety can quickly turn the joy of love into fear and distress, impacting not just you and your partner but the relationship as a whole.
Understanding the fine line between everyday concerns and excessive worry is crucial. Regular worries come and go, but excessive anxiety can cause disruption. Recognizing and addressing this disruption is the key to maintaining a balanced and resilient relationship.
6 signs of relationship anxiety
Identifying relationship anxiety means piecing together clues and patterns in your emotional landscape. We often overlook or misinterpret these signs, dismissing them as quirks or normal reactions, but acknowledging them is the first step in navigating our relationships. Here are some of the signs of relationship anxiety to be on the look-out for.
1. Doubting the other person’s feelings
It’s nice to think about your partner, but overthinking in a relationship could be a sign of relationship anxiety. Notice whether you or your partner are doubting or questioning the other person and their feelings or commitment to the relationship.
2. Needing or seeking frequent reassurance
The constant need for affirmation and reassurance from one partner can point toward underlying anxiety. While asking for occasional assurance, especially after conflict is normal, if someone needs it constantly, there might be something more going on beneath the surface.
3. People-pleasing
When the desire to make one partner happy surpasses the other’s own needs and boundaries (e.g., through self-silencing), this can create relationship anxiety and lead to co-dependent behaviors that aren’t always helpful for a healthy relationship.
4. Looking for problems
Deciphering hidden meanings in every word and action one partner says can be exhausting for the other. Trust is paramount in a relationship. If the trust isn’t there it might indicate relationship anxiety.
5. Worrying more than enjoying the relationship
While worrying and feeling nervous is a normal part of life, it shouldn’t dominate the mind while in a relationship. When worry overshadows joy and causes unnecessary relationship anxiety it might be time to reevaluate.
6. Fear of abandonment
A constant fear that one partner will leave can be debilitating and is a common sign of relationship anxiety.
Recognizing these signs is important because it helps you tune into your real feelings. Keep in mind that it's about acknowledging, understanding, and addressing your emotions and steering away from judging, undermining, or avoiding them.
“Why do I feel uneasy in my relationship?”
Relationship anxiety can feel heavy, emotionally and mentally, affecting your overall happiness and wellbeing. Here are some of the reasons why someone might be feeling uneasy and/or anxious in a relationship.
Past relationship traumas, where your trust was broken or feelings hurt, can cast long shadows on new relationships.
Your attachment style, which are the ingrained patterns of how you love and want to be loved, can tend towards anxiety. If you had inconsistent affection from caregivers as a child, this can sometimes cause anxiety in adult relationships, influencing your interactions and responses.
Unresolved personal issues can bring nagging self-doubts, insecurities, and fears. They often cause chaos and confusion in your feelings around your relationships.
Low self-esteem can amplify every small concern, doubt, or fear. It can mean you constantly second-guess yourself, feel unworthy, or fear you’re not enough.
External factors like stress from work, health concerns or financial issues can act as triggers that lead to anxiety in a relationship.
How to deal with relationship anxiety if you’re feeling uneasy
If you think you may have relationship anxiety, and you’ve identified the signs, you can start thinking about ways to support yourself through your experience of anxiety.
1. Communicate your feelings openly, even if it makes you feel vulnerable
Opening up a dialogue with your partner is an important step but sometimes it can be scary. You might feel vulnerable but it’s important to be honest about your worries, fears, and hopes. It’s not about blaming or accusing but sharing and understanding. Try to create a safe space where feelings are acknowledged, not judged.
💙 Vulnerability is tough, but it’s an important practice. To work more with vulnerability, check out this session from our Relationship with Self series.
2. Practice mindfulness to help ease worries
Practice being present, and immerse yourself in the ‘now,’ both on your own and when you’re with your partner. Using mindfulness has the potential to improve all of your relationships, not just romantic ones. It can also help you maintain inner peace in the face of the emotions that can come up in relationships.
💙 Calm offers insightful programs like The Daily Calm and Working with Thoughts to aid you in anchoring yourself in the moment and seeing beauty in the present moment.
3. Identify what’s triggering your anxiety
It can be a gut-wrenching feeling when you think you're being ignored. Maybe it drags up some old childhood memories, and suddenly, you're on an emotional rollercoaster. Before you blurt out your feelings or make a hasty decision, take a moment. Reflect. By the time you chat with your partner about it, you'll hopefully distinguish between the 'here and now' and the 'way back when.' That means you're setting the stage for a chat that's more constructive. Trace back the roots to understand what triggers your anxiety. Is it a word, an action, or a specific situation?
💙 Identifying triggers for relationship anxiety is the first step in diffusing them. Our Overcome Stress & Anxiety course can provide some support.
4. Work on maintaining your own wellbeing and identity
A relationship is a partnership of two unique individuals, each with their own personality. Cultivate your interests, hobbies, and passions, not just the things you enjoy together. Make sure that you communicate openly with your partner about your own desires, expectations, needs, and boundaries.
The most important thing is to take responsibility for your own wellbeing, not relying on a partner to fix you. This might look like taking regular self-care breaks, spending time with other loved ones, or practices like exercise and meditation.
💙 If meditating is new to you, explore our Mindfulness for Beginners meditation.
5. Seek professional guidance if needed
Sometimes addressing relationship anxiety must be a coordinated effort between partners and that effort might require a third party. Seeking professional guidance can provide insights, tools, and strategies to implement in the relationship that can help enable growth and healing. Together, you can create harmony, support, and mutual growth.
Dealing with an anxious partner
Navigating a relationship when your partner is grappling with anxiety can be difficult. It requires patience, understanding, and lots of open, honest communication to create a place of trust, safety, and support.
Build trust through honest communication
To counteract the influence of a partner’s anxiety, it’s crucial to lay down the foundation of trust. Trust can keep things steady amidst anxiety—it’s built through consistency, reliability, and transparency.
Opening the channels of communication means creating a safe place where thoughts and feelings can be shared without fear of judgment or ridicule. It’s about listening—really listening—to understand and speaking to express, not to hurt or accuse.
Help your partner feel safe and secure
Safety in a relationship means being a constant source of support and understanding, allowing your partner to navigate through their emotions safely.
To foster this sense of safety, it’s important to be attuned to your partner’s needs and concerns, acknowledging their feelings without minimizing or dismissing them. It’s like holding a gentle, loving space for them to be vulnerable and to be their true selves.
Navigate Relationship anxiety as a team
Navigating through your partner’s anxiety involves learning about their feelings and facing the challenges together. It’s about teamwork, mutual support, and shared growth.
Facing the challenges as a team can bind your relationship together more strongly, with shared experiences, understanding, and deeper connection. It’s not about ‘fixing’ your partner but walking alongside them.
The most important thing is to build a loving, nurturing space where both partners can grow, learn, and flourish.
💙 Learn more about fear of intimacy, and emotional reactivity by exploring our Love and Relationships series.
Anxiety in relationships FAQs
Why does my relationship give me anxiety?
Relationships can reflect our deepest fears, insecurities, and unresolved issues. When a relationship causes anxiety, it’s often because it’s triggering underlying aspects of our psyche we might not be aware of like an emotional echo of past hurts, fears of abandonment, or feelings of unworthiness.
How do I overcome relationship anxiety?
Overcoming relationship anxiety starts with open, honest communication about your feelings with your partner. It’s about acknowledging the anxiety, understanding its roots, and actively working toward addressing them. Implementing mindfulness practices, maintaining individuality, and seeking professional guidance can also help in navigating through the mist of anxious thoughts and feelings more clearly.
What are signs of relationship anxiety?
Signs of relationship anxiety include constant overthinking, incessant need for reassurance, a relentless desire to please, and/or interpreting simple words and actions as signs of problems. It’s like having a background noise of worry and doubt that distracts from the joy of the relationship. If you experience relationship anxiety, it’s important to work on things to resolve the issues.
What are some of the most common causes of relationship anxiety?
The roots of relationship anxiety are often past experiences, personal insecurities, and unresolved issues. It can stem from past traumas, attachment styles formed in childhood, and feelings of low self-worth. It’s like carrying emotional baggage from the past into the present, affecting how we perceive things and react in our relationships.
What are some tips for overcoming anxiety in relationships?
Navigating through relationship anxiety requires understanding coupled with open and honest communication. Practicing mindfulness, maintaining your identity, understanding the triggers, and seeking therapy can help both partners find understanding and love.
How does anxiety in relationships affect my partner?
When one partner experiences anxiety, it can affect the other partner and the relationship’s dynamics. It can create tension, misunderstandings, and emotional distance. Addressing the anxiety together is crucial, enabling you to enrich your relationship with a deeper understanding and shared growth.
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