What is Conscious Discipline®? Plus, how to get started
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Conscious Discipline® can help parents and teachers turn chaos into calm. Learn how it works, and 7 ways to guide behavior with connection, empathy, and mindfulness.
Most parents can identify with some version of this scenario: You’re already running late when your child melts down over their outfit. They scream. They cry. They lie on the floor and refuse to get dressed. On a different day, you may have been able to respond with empathy and patience, but today, all you can think about is how you’ll never make it to your first meeting on time. So, you snap at them — and things devolve from there.
Conscious Discipline offers another option. It’s a research-informed framework designed to teach emotional awareness and self-regulation for both children and adults. Instead of using punishment or rewards, it focuses on helping everyone calm down, connect, and work through challenges together.
Naturally, the method starts with the adult. When parents and teachers manage their own emotions first, they create the safety kids need to do the same. It’s a simple idea, but it takes practice and patience. The goal isn’t to control behavior, but to guide growth.
What is Conscious Discipline®?
Conscious Discipline is a practical framework that can help children and adults handle big emotions, solve problems, and build healthier relationships. It’s designed to turn difficult moments into opportunities to learn emotional skills, like empathy, patience, and self-control.
The approach is rooted in social-emotional learning and basic neuroscience. It’s built on the idea that behavior reflects how safe and connected a person feels with others. Essentially, when children feel calm and supported, their brains can focus on learning and cooperation with greater ease.
Of course, adults play an essential role by modeling calm behavior and problem-solving skills. Many families and educators find that, over time, this approach can reduce stress and build trust, especially when practiced consistently.
What are the origins of Conscious Discipline®?
Conscious Discipline was developed in the 1990s by Dr. Becky Bailey, a teacher and developmental psychologist, as a more compassionate alternative to traditional discipline methods.
Using insights from child development and emotional intelligence research, Dr. Bailey created tools to help adults teach emotional regulation through calm, connection, and structure. She later founded Loving Guidance, LLC to share the program with educators and parents worldwide.
Today, Conscious Discipline is used in schools, homes, and early learning centers around the globe. Supporters say it builds empathy and resilience, though critics note that large-scale research is still limited. It’s a growing framework — helpful for many, but not one-size-fits-all.
💙 Dr. Shefali Tsabary’s Conscious Parenting class on the Calm app can teach you new parenting skills.
What are the key principles and components of Conscious Discipline®?
Conscious Discipline combines brain science and social-emotional learning to help adults and children respond to challenges more calmly and thoughtfully. It’s marked by these key principles:
The brain state model explains that behavior depends on how safe and connected you feel. When you’re scared or stressed, you react based on your survival instinct — but when you feel calm and supported, you can pause and respond more mindfully. It may sound simple, but this model gives adults a useful way to respond to stress with empathy instead of frustration.
The adult-first mindset is a reminder that children mirror your emotional state. When adults pause, breathe, and stay grounded, it teaches kids that it’s possible to stay calm even in hard moments. This takes ongoing practice and self-awareness.
The three steps—creating safety, building connection, and solving problems together—turn conflict into teaching moments. Over time, these small, steady interactions build emotional resilience in both children and adults.
The Seven Powers and Seven Skills, developed by Dr. Bailey, link inner awareness (for adults) with outer teaching tools (for children). They help everyone learn self-control, compassion, and cooperation — skills that grow stronger with use.
Related read: Respond vs react: 5 tips to slow down (and why it's important)
What are the benefits of Conscious Discipline®?
Conscious Discipline has shown promise in helping families, classes, and communities create calmer, more supportive environments. Early research is encouraging, though still developing, and many educators and parents report positive shifts in how they and their children handle emotions and relationships.
1. Better emotional regulation for children: Kids who practice Conscious Discipline may learn to name their feelings and calm themselves before reacting. This can support learning and deepen friendships.
2. Stronger relationships built on trust: By focusing on connection before correction, many adults and children report fewer power struggles and more trust. After all, safety and understanding lay the groundwork for better communication.
3. Calmer, more confident adults: Many parents and teachers say the approach has helped them pause before they react, making daily challenges feel less chaotic. This calm may spread to the children around them, giving them a leg up as they grow.
4. Improved classroom and home climate: Schools and homes that use Conscious Discipline have consistently reported smoother routines, fewer behavioral issues, and a stronger sense of belonging.
5. Supported by emerging research: Some studies suggest that Conscious Discipline may help improve classroom climate and social-emotional skills. It’s also listed by CASEL as a program aligned with SEL principles. However, experts note that results vary, and more large-scale studies are needed to confirm its long-term effects.
Why so many people are rethinking discipline
Many parents and educators are rethinking what discipline can look like. Rather than focusing on control, newer approaches emphasize emotional awareness, connection, and co-regulation — skills that help children feel safer and more capable of learning from tough moments.
Conscious Discipline is one example of this shift. It encourages adults to stay grounded so they can model calm for children, but it’s not the only path. What matters most is finding strategies that fit your values, environment, and the needs of the kids in your care.
Whether you use a structured framework or small daily practices, know that you’re helping your child build trust and resilience. There’s no perfect method, just ongoing efforts to show up with patience and care.
💙 In this Resilience meditation, Tamara Levitt explains the importance of “strengthening our resilience to discomfort as a path to peace.”
Conscious Discipline® FAQs
What is the Conscious Discipline method?
Conscious Discipline can help adults and children manage emotions, behavior, and relationships through safety, connection, and problem-solving. It replaces punishment or rewards with teaching moments.
Essentially, adults model calm and emotional control, helping kids learn to do the same. It’s a flexible framework based on social-emotional learning and brain development — one that works best with consistency and support.
Is Conscious Discipline only for teachers?
No. While it began in classrooms, Conscious Discipline is now used by parents, caregivers, and even therapists. Teachers use it to create calmer, more cooperative learning environments, while families adapt the tools to reduce power struggles and strengthen relationships at home.
The core ideas—safety, connection, and shared problem-solving—fit any setting where adults guide children.
How can I mindfully discipline my child?
Mindful discipline means responding with awareness. It starts with the adult’s calm — pausing, breathing, and keeping the goal in mind: to teach.
You might say, “You’re angry because playtime is over, and that’s hard,” while holding the boundary: “But it’s time to clean up.” This mix of empathy and structure teaches that love and boundaries can exist together.
How do I teach my kid emotional regulation?
Kids learn emotional regulation by watching calm adults. When you name feelings—“You’re frustrated that your tower fell”—you show that emotions are okay. Then, demonstrate ways to calm down, such as deep breathing or counting to five.
Over time, these small, repeated moments help children build their own coping skills.
How does Conscious Discipline differ from positive parenting strategies?
Both Conscious Discipline and positive parenting strategies focus on empathy, teaching, and respect. Conscious Discipline stands out because it starts with the adult’s regulation and uses a “brain state” model to explain why calm must come before reasoning. It also offers structured routines for safety, connection, and problem-solving.
Many families blend both approaches, choosing what fits their child and context best. Gentle parenting has become increasingly popular too.
Can Conscious Discipline help with tantrums or defiance?
Yes, but it takes time and consistency. Tantrums often come from overwhelm, not disobedience. Conscious Discipline can help you see beyond the behavior and respond calmly: “You’re really upset, and I’m here.”
Once the tantrum has ended, adults can guide better choices, like using words or asking for help. Over time, this teaches that emotions are safe to feel and can be handled in healthy ways.
Is there scientific support for Conscious Discipline?
Conscious Discipline is recognized by CASEL as a program aligned with social-emotional learning principles, and early studies suggest that it may support emotional skills, classroom climate, and teacher well-being.
In addition, some research reports fewer behavior challenges and more positive relationships. Still, results vary, and experts emphasize that more large-scale studies are needed. At this point, it’s best viewed as a promising, relationship-centered approach rather than a proven solution.
How can I start using Conscious Discipline today?
Start small. Choose one habit, like pausing before reacting or greeting your child calmly each morning. Create a simple “calm down space” where anyone can reset when emotions run high. Focus on small, steady changes instead of perfection.
Disclaimer: Conscious Discipline® is a registered trademark of Loving Guidance, LLC. Calm is not affiliated with or endorsed by Conscious Discipline® or Loving Guidance, LLC.
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