How to support the mental health of the older adults in your life

Mental Health

Jun 3

Written By Calm Editorial Team

Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

Mental health is an important but often overlooked topic for older adults. Explore the risk factors and symptoms to look out for in your loved ones and how to offer support.

Aging can be uncomfortable to accept, especially the mental changes that often occur as we grow older. If you’ve noticed changes in an older loved one that seem off or unusual, it’s okay to wonder if something deeper is going on.

Only a professional can diagnose someone with a mental health disorder, but you can make sure you’re equipped with an understanding of what mental health can look like in older adults. You can also learn to show up in a way that’s helpful and not overwhelming.

This guide is here to help you learn how to talk to your parents, grandparents, or older loved ones about their emotional and mental wellbeing. You’ll better understand how to notice the signs, understand the shifts you should pay attention to, and gently offer support that might spark lasting change.

Aging comes with enough challenges already. Mental health shouldn’t be a silent one.

Why mental health can shift with age

Aging itself isn’t a mental health disorder, but it can be a breeding ground for some pretty intense emotional changes. For many people, getting older means that work, social routines, and physical independence start to change or disappear altogether, causing loss of resilience or sense of self.

Imagine you’ve spent decades creating a life, nurturing relationships, and building a career that gives your day purpose. And then, bit by bit and day by day, your world starts to shrink. Your body gets creakier, your friend circle gets smaller, and the days feel longer. That can affect anyone’s mental state.

Because older generations weren’t often encouraged to talk about their feelings, symptoms of depression, anxiety, or even grief can easily fly under the radar. Other causes to consider are chronic pain, side effects from medication, and natural cognitive changes, which can often be emotionally exhausting. And when someone feels physically off all the time, it’s easy for their mental health to start unraveling too.

What are the risk factors for poor mental health in older adults?

Rarely is just one thing behind the mental health changes you’re noticing in an older loved one. Depression and anxiety are usually a layered combo of life, loss, health, and the weird in-between spaces no one talks about or asks about. But we can change that.

Loneliness and social isolation: As people age, their social world tends to shrink. Friends pass away, kids grow up and get busier, moving around gets harder, and their independence decreases. Life can get way too much quiet. And while alone time can be nice, isolation is linked to depression, anxiety, and even cognitive decline.

Chronic illness and pain: Living in a body that’s constantly aching or slowing down can be incredibly frustrating. Chronic conditions like arthritis, diabetes, heart disease, or mobility issues don’t just take a physical toll, but they weigh on the mind and mood too. It’s exhausting to feel like you’re always managing symptoms instead of living your life like you were used to.

Loss of independence: Imagine waking up one day and realizing you need help with things you’ve done on autopilot your entire adult life, like showering, or cooking, or even managing your money. That loss of autonomy can stir up grief, shame, and a deep sense of vulnerability, especially if asking for help doesn’t come easily.

Bereavement and grief: Grief doesn’t have an expiration date, and older adults often carry multiple layers of it. Years of losing partners, siblings, friends, and even pets can shake a person’s emotional foundation. And sometimes, those losses stack up so quickly, they don’t have time to fully process one before the next one hits.

Cognitive changes: Dementia or Alzheimer’s disease affect some people, but even mild memory loss or slower thinking can be unsettling. It can also make people feel embarrassed, less capable, or like they’re becoming a burden to those around them. All of these factors can quietly erode mental wellbeing.

Financial stress: Retirement might sound relaxing, but for many, it can be like walking a financial tightrope. Worrying about outliving your savings, managing medical bills, or losing the financial role you once held in the family can stir up anxiety and stress.

Stigma around mental health: For many older adults, the idea of discussing mental health still feels taboo. They may have spent a lifetime toughing it out or believing therapy isn’t for them. That can make it harder for them to name what they’re feeling, let alone reach out for help.

6 symptoms of mental disorders in older adults

The signs of mental disorders in older adults can be subtle — and they may not even realize they’re suffering. Here are six common symptoms to watch for:

1. Persistent sadness or a low mood: Everyone has off days, but if your loved one seems stuck in a fog that lasts for weeks or months, it’s worth paying attention. Maybe they’re not enjoying the things they used to love, or they just feel tired all the time. Sadness in older adults can show up quietly, disguised as disinterest, fatigue, or a flat tone that didn’t used to be there. If you notice it, pay attention.

2. Withdrawal from social activities or relationships: We all skip events sometimes. But if someone who used to love bridge night, weekly phone calls with friends, or regular exercise suddenly starts ghosting their people, that’s a red flag. Social withdrawal isn’t just about being introverted — it can signal deeper emotional distress too.

3. Changes in appetite or sleep: Too much sleep, not enough sleep, losing interest in food, or eating more than usual are cues that something might be off.

4. Increased confusion, forgetfulness, or difficulty concentrating: We all have those moments when we’ve misplaced something, but when forgetfulness starts interfering with daily life, or if you notice trouble with focus, decision-making, or conversations, it could be more than aging. These cognitive changes can be early signs of depression, anxiety, or something like mild cognitive impairment.

5. Feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, or excessive guilt: If your loved one starts expressing that they’re a burden or don’t feel joy in living, take them seriously. Even subtle self-deprecating comments can be a call for help.

6. Physical symptoms without a clear medical cause: This might sound strange, but sometimes the body says what the mind can’t. Ongoing headaches, digestive issues, unexplained aches or fatigue—especially when doctors can’t find a cause—can actually be physical manifestations of anxiety or depression.

10 ways to support the mental health of your older loved ones

Once you’ve spotted signs of mental health issues in your older relatives, you may be wondering what happens next. While you can’t necessarily fix anyone, you can be a steady presence, a gentle advocate, and, most importantly, a compassionate person who makes your loved one feel seen and cared for.

Here’s how to offer real support that’s doable, respectful, and makes a difference.

1. Start by showing up consistently

Every interaction doesn’t need to involve a deep heart-to-heart. Every little bit of attention counts. Practice showing up by calling more often, stopping by with coffee, or sending a funny meme or video to them. Connection doesn’t have to be grand. It should just be steady.

Try this: If your mom lights up when you call her, put a weekly reminder in your phone to make space for that. It can even be for five minutes. Predictability can be deeply grounding for your loved ones, and it gives them something to look forward to.

2. Create space for open conversations, but don’t force them

When you’re connecting with your loved ones, approach the conversation with curiosity. Ask how they’re doing in a way that invites honesty instead of defensiveness. Remind yourself that experiencing mental health challenges isn’t easy, and talking about them isn’t either.

Try this:

“You’ve seemed a little quieter lately. How have things been feeling for you?”
“Is there anything that’s been bothering you that you’d want to talk about?”

💙 Learn how to explore the delicate art of Deeper Communication with support from Jay Shetty.

3. Be mindful of your tone and your assumptions

Nothing slams shut the emotional door quicker than pity, panic, or parental vibes. Treat your loved one like the adult they are. Be honest with them, but don’t be condescending or rude.

Try this: Instead of saying, “You need help,” you can say, “If you ever want to talk to someone about what you’ve been feeling, I can help you find the right person.”

4. Help them maintain routines or build new ones

Routines are incredibly important to build and practice, and they can be grounding for people who are going through a difficult time emotionally or mentally. A familiar rhythm can really help anchor your day and even help you stay present in the moment.

Here are a few examples:

Weekly morning walks with a neighbor
Bi-weekly library trips
Coffee at the same café on Thursdays
Making Tuesday pasta night just because
Catching a matinee at the theatre once a month

💙 Learn how to help your loved ones set New Routines (and keep them).

5. Encourage social connection in bite-sized ways

You may dream about enrolling your loved one in a busy community center right off the bat, but think smaller. An afternoon with a friend, a phone call with a grandkid, or joining a community book club online or in-person can be a nice and comfortable introduction to becoming more social.

Try this: Many older adults feel shy or unsure about making new friends. Offering to go with them the first time can make all the difference.

6. Introduce the idea of mental health support gently

Therapy doesn’t have to be a scary word. Normalize it by sharing your own experience if that’s relevant. Sometimes older adults need to hear that therapy isn’t a crisis move, but a form of self-care. Offer to help find providers, book appointments, or even attend the first session if they’re open to it.

7. Help them find purpose

Some people thrive in retirement, while others might feel they’ve lost their purpose. If this is the case with someone you love, help them reconnect to meaning, even if it’s in small ways.

Here are some ideas:

Volunteering at shelters, schools, animal rescues, or libraries
Getting involved in mentorship programs
Taking up a new hobby like gardening or crafting
Writing the story of their life for their grandkids

8. Support their physical health, too

Mental and physical health are deeply linked. If they’re skipping meals or overeating, not moving their body much, or not managing their medications well, that can and will impact their mood.

Here are some ways to support:

Offer to cook together or drop off meals.
Encourage gentle movement like walks, stretching, or tai chi in the park — and join them!
Help keep track of appointments or prescriptions without micromanaging.

9. Respect their boundaries, but stay present

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your loved one won’t want help, and unless they’re in immediate danger, you can’t force support and dismiss their boundaries. What you can do, however, is keep showing up. Keep listening. Keep gently reminding them they’re not alone.

10. Take care of yourself, too

Supporting someone with mental health challenges can take its toll on the caregiver. It’s okay to feel frustrated, scared, or helpless. And it’s okay to give yourself some space or time for self-care. You’re allowed to have boundaries, too.

Reminder: You can’t pour from an empty cup. Get support, take breaks, and let someone else make dinner for your loved one once in a while. Maybe even let someone make it for you.

Elderly mental health FAQs

How do I talk with older adults about their mental health?

Start by ditching the idea that the conversation has to be perfect. It doesn’t. It just has to be honest and kind. Choose a moment when you’re both relaxed — maybe while on a walk, over coffee, or during a quiet drive. Frame it from a place of care, not concern. Instead of leading with, “You seem depressed,” try something like, “I’ve noticed you don’t seem quite yourself lately. How have you been feeling?” Keep it soft, stay curious, and remember that your role isn’t to diagnose or fix but to open the door.

If they shut it down, don’t take it personally. Many older adults have been conditioned to keep their struggles private. Just keep showing up in ways that feel safe, and try again another time.

Is it normal to feel sad or anxious as I get older?

It’s common for mental health to ebb and flow throughout the years, but that doesn’t mean it should be ignored or accepted as typical. Life gets more complicated with age. Loss, physical limitations, and more time to reflect on the past can stir up sadness or worry. But persistent sadness or anxiety that disrupts sleep, appetite, or enjoyment isn’t just a side effect of getting older. It’s something that deserves attention and support, just like any physical health concern would.

Does social connection play a role in older people’s mental health?

Social connection is like emotional oxygen, and when it gets cut off through isolation, grief, or even just reduced mobility, it can quietly chip away at mental wellbeing. People thrive when they feel seen, heard, and part of something. And for older adults, especially those living alone or far from loved ones, social connection can be the difference between coping and spiraling.

This doesn’t mean they need a packed calendar or to suddenly become a social butterfly. Even small, regular touchpoints like a neighbor’s wave, a weekly phone call, or a shared hobby group can help restore a sense of belonging.

Are there ways to improve older people’s mental health?

Yes, and it doesn’t have to mean overhauling their life or forcing them into group therapy. Sometimes it’s about gently reintroducing the things that once brought them joy, such as music, movement, creativity, and laughter. Therapy or support groups can be game-changers, especially if they’re open to it. Medication can help too, but only when prescribed and monitored with care.

Other things that matter include better sleep, balanced meals, sunlight, meaningful conversations, the feeling of being needed. Mental health isn’t about “fixing” someone. It’s about supporting their ability to feel more like themselves again.

What should I do if my aging parent doesn't want to talk about their mental health?

A lot of older adults were raised in a time when mental health wasn’t talked about, let alone treated. So when you bring it up, it might feel foreign or even shameful to them. Don’t push. Just keep creating conditions for safety and trust.

Offer gentle observations instead of diagnoses. Share stories, and maybe one of them is even your own. Normalize therapy and self-care. And above all, keep the connection alive. Sometimes, just knowing someone is there, without pressure or judgment, is what eventually helps them open up. Patience is love in disguise.

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elderly mental health

Calm Editorial Team