How to find things to be grateful for (even when it's tough)
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Learn how to be grateful when times are tough. Plus, benefits and barriers to gratitude and how a gratitude list can help you find things to be grateful for.
Gratitude might be described as the warm and humble appreciation of the good things in life, or as the acknowledgment of the kindness and positivity one receives from others or from life itself. While the definition might seem simple, gratitude can be a more complex subject.
Modern research has unearthed compelling evidence of the many benefits associated with practicing gratitude, ranging from improved overall wellbeing to enhanced mental health. Indeed, gratitude has emerged as a potent force in bolstering our mental and emotional stability, but what about those times in life where you just can't feel it?
Barriers to gratitude: why we struggle to feel grateful
There will always be moments in life where gratitude is the last emotion you can drum up. This is normal. It may stem from personal circumstances, traumas, life transitions, changes, or grief that can cast a shadow on our ability to recognize the positive aspects of life. Conditions like depression or anxiety might also cloud our perception and make it challenging to find the light amid the darkness.
Societal pressure can also play a significant role in our struggle to embrace gratitude. There's often an expectation to be grateful or thankful, especially during holidays or social gatherings. While these sentiments are certainly worthwhile, they should come from a place of authenticity rather than obligation.
We can’t just make ourselves feel grateful when the truth is we’re depressed, sick, or maybe just having an off day, but the good news is that you don’t have to feel grateful to be grateful.
Gratitude is a practice that we choose to engage in that can live right alongside all of our other messy human feelings. In fact, it’s important that you rely on this practice exactly in these rough times, as gratitude has been shown to help us cope when times are tough.
Why is gratitude important? 10 benefits of gratitude
Feeling gratitude offers a multitude of benefits that positively impact various aspects of our lives. Here are 10 key benefits and why they're important:
Improved mental health: Gratitude may help to lower levels of depression and anxiety, promoting a more positive and stable mental state. This benefit is essential for overall wellbeing and quality of life.
Enhanced emotional resilience: Gratitude can help individuals cope with adversity and bounce back from setbacks, making them more emotionally resilient in the face of life's challenges.
Better physical health: Research suggests that practicing gratitude may be associated with improved physical health, such as reduced stress, lower blood pressure, and even a stronger immune system, leading to a longer and healthier life.
Stronger relationships: Expressing gratitude can foster deeper connections and stronger bonds with friends, family, and colleagues, as it creates a positive and appreciative atmosphere in interpersonal relationships.
Increased happiness: Gratitude is a potent antidote to feelings of dissatisfaction and unhappiness. It helps us focus on the positive elements of life, contributing to increased happiness and life satisfaction.
Greater empathy and compassion: Gratitude can make individuals more empathetic and compassionate, as it encourages them to recognize the kindness of others and respond with empathy and kindness in return.
Enhanced sleep quality: Feeling grateful can lead to better sleep quality, which is crucial for cognitive function, mood, and overall health.
Improved self-esteem: Gratitude can help individuals appreciate their own qualities and accomplishments, boosting their self-esteem and self-worth.
Stress reduction: Gratitude is associated with decreased stress levels, helping individuals manage and reduce stress, leading to improved mental and physical health.
Increased motivation and goal achievement: Gratitude might also serve as a motivator for us to set and achieve personal and professional goals, as it fosters a positive mindset and a sense of purpose.
How to be grateful, especially when it’s not easy
Cultivating gratitude is an ongoing practice, so try to trust the process. Remember, the goal isn’t to “fix” your feelings with gratitude, but rather add support to the experience you’re having without expectations of a certain outcome. Here are a few ways you can jumpstart the practice, even when it feels tough.
1. Start where you are
You can’t get to authentic gratitude if you aren’t honest about how you’re feeling right now. So give yourself time to feel your feelings, no matter how challenging they may seem. You could try mindfulness, meditation, journaling, moving your body, or sharing what’s on your heart with someone else. Just let whatever is here, be here.
💙 Gratitude can be a tough nut to crack during challenging times. Learn more about how to get into the practice with our Gratitude Masterclass.
2. Find what’s neutral
If gratitude feels like too big a leap, see if you can find things you just feel neutral about. These are things around you and in your life that don’t carry a charge of feeling one way or the other. This could be a cup of tea, a bird chirping outside your window, or the fact that you made it through the day. Take some time to acknowledge whatever feels “fine” around you, no matter how small.
3. Make a specific gratitude list
While making a gratitude list can be a great way to shift your mindset, general things like “family” and “friends” may not do much for you during a challenging moment, so make a gratitude list with as much detail and specificity as possible.
This could be the comfortable bed supporting you during your depression. The silly meme that made you laugh when you’re feeling lonely, or the one friend who knew to check-in when you most needed it. Small is okay, as long as it’s meaningful.
💙 Try using our Calm Gratitude Journal to start a specific gratitude practice.
4. Try just saying thank you
When you express gratitude, it's like you're shining a spotlight on the positive aspects of your life. It makes you acknowledge the kindness and generosity of others, which in turn makes you appreciate the goodness in your own world. Plus, it creates a positive feedback loop – the more you say thanks, the more you notice the things to be thankful for. If any people came up on your gratitude list, reach out to share your appreciation and notice how it feels.
5. Explore reframing techniques
Reframing is like giving your mind a fresh pair of glasses to see the world through. When you use reframing techniques, you can take even the most challenging situations and find a silver lining. It's like flipping the script on life's ups and downs. Instead of dwelling on what's gone wrong, you start looking at what you've learned, how you've grown, or the unexpected opportunities that might have arisen. This shift in perspective is like a gratitude game-changer because it helps you focus on the positive aspects, even in tough times. Some questions you might explore:
How has this challenging time helped me grow as a person?
In what ways has this time provided me with opportunities for learning?
What support and resources do I have available to help me walk through this challenge?
What strengths and skills have I discovered in myself as a result of this situation?
What are some past challenges I've faced and successfully overcome, and how can I use those experiences to approach this one?
What lessons or insights can I take from this situation that may benefit me in the future?
💙 Eager to try cognitive reframing as a meditation? Check out Reframing Difficult Thoughts with Chibs Okereke.
6. Lean on community
When you connect with others, share experiences, and support each other, it's a reminder that you're not alone in this world. The power of human connection can feel like a much needed warm hug. You start appreciating the diversity of people and perspectives, and how they all contribute to the rich tapestry of life.
Being a part of a community, whether it's your neighborhood, a sports team, or an online group, helps you see the goodness in people, their acts of kindness, and the way they come together to make things better. It's like a front-row seat to the awesome potential of collaboration and shared goals, which naturally fosters gratitude for the collective effort.
💙 We’re always happy to be one of your major resources for gratitude practices. Check out our 7 Days of Gratitude Course to get you started.
Things to be grateful for FAQs
What are the 3 types of gratitude?
Gratitude can be categorized into three main types:
Feeling gratitude: This type of gratitude involves experiencing the emotion of gratitude. It's the genuine, heartfelt appreciation for the kindness and goodness you've received from others or for the positive aspects of your life. It's about recognizing and acknowledging the gifts and blessings that come your way.
Thought gratitude: Thought gratitude refers to the cognitive aspect of gratitude. It involves thinking about and mentally counting your blessings, even if you don't necessarily feel a strong emotional response. It's a more rational or intellectual form of gratitude, where you deliberately reflect on the things you're grateful for.
Behavioral gratitude: This type of gratitude is expressed through actions. It involves showing your appreciation and gratitude through your behavior, such as saying "thank you," performing acts of kindness in return, or paying it forward. Behavioral gratitude is about reciprocating the kindness you've received and expressing your thankfulness through your actions.
How to be grateful when you have nothing to be grateful for?
Finding gratitude when you feel like you have nothing to be grateful for can be challenging, but it's possible. Here are some strategies to help you cultivate gratitude even in difficult circumstances:
Shift your perspective: Try to reframe your situation. Instead of focusing on what you lack, look for the small, positive aspects of your life. It could be a beautiful sunset, a warm meal, or a supportive friend. Acknowledge even the tiniest things that bring a glimmer of positivity.
Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness can help you stay in the present moment and appreciate what you have right now, rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Pay attention to your senses and the immediate surroundings.
Keep a gratitude journal: Consider starting a gratitude journal where you write down a few things you're grateful for every day. It could be as simple as having a roof over your head or a kind gesture from a stranger. Over time, this practice can help you focus on the positive aspects of your life.
Help others: Sometimes, helping someone in need can remind you of the things you have to be grateful for. Volunteering or performing acts of kindness can shift your perspective and create a sense of gratitude.
Connect with others: Talk to friends or family members about your feelings. Sharing your emotions with others can provide support and a different perspective on your situation. It can also remind you of the positive relationships in your life.
What is the A to Z gratitude list?
The A to Z gratitude list is a creative exercise to help you think about things you're grateful for in an organized and structured way. The idea is to go through the alphabet and list something you're thankful for that starts with each letter. It encourages you to think more deeply about the various aspects of your life and experiences that bring you joy and appreciation.
What are 10 things to be grateful for?
Gratitude can be found in a wide range of aspects in your life. Here are 10 things to be grateful for:
Health: Being grateful for your physical and mental wellbeing is a fundamental aspect of gratitude. Being healthy allows you to enjoy life to the fullest.
Family: The love and support of your family members are invaluable. Being grateful for these connections can bring joy and comfort.
Friends: Friends provide companionship, laughter, and a sense of belonging. Expressing gratitude for their presence in your life strengthens these relationships.
Love: Whether it's romantic love or love from friends and family, the feeling of being loved and loving others is something to be thankful for.
Opportunities: Being grateful for the opportunities that come your way, whether in education, career, or personal growth, can help you make the most of them.
Nature: The beauty of nature, from a simple sunrise to the grandeur of a mountain range, can evoke a sense of wonder and appreciation.
Education: The ability to learn and grow, whether through formal education or life experiences, is something to be grateful for.
Safe and comfortable shelter: Having a place to call home, where you can find safety and comfort, is a blessing to be thankful for.
Food and water: Access to nourishing food and clean water is essential for survival, and being grateful for these basic necessities is important.
Personal growth: The lessons you learn from both positive and challenging experiences contribute to your personal growth. Being grateful for these lessons can help you continue to evolve and improve.
What do I write in a daily gratitude list?
Writing a daily gratitude list can be a wonderful practice for fostering a positive mindset. Here's how you can create your daily gratitude list:
List three or more things: Write down at least three things you are grateful for each day. They can be big or small, specific or general. Here are some ideas to get you started
People: Family, friends, coworkers, or someone who brightened your day.
Experiences: Moments of joy, laughter, or a new opportunity.
Nature: A beautiful sunset, a blooming flower, or a peaceful walk.
Achievements: Personal accomplishments, progress, or goals you've reached.
Health: A pain-free day, a good night's sleep, or feeling energized.
Material things: Possessions that bring you comfort or happiness.
Acts of kindness: Something kind someone did for you, or a good deed you did for others.
Lessons: Learning experiences, even from challenges or mistakes.
Opportunities: Things you're looking forward to or thankful for in the future.
Inner qualities: Gratitude for your own qualities, like resilience, creativity, or patience.
Whenever possible, try to be specific about what you're grateful for. Instead of just saying "my family," you can specify why, like "my sister's supportive words when I needed them."
Reflect and feel: As you write each item on your list, take a moment to reflect on why you're grateful for it. Try to connect with the feeling of gratitude, as this adds depth to the practice.
Mix it up: Don't feel the need to repeat the same things every day. Variety in your gratitude list can help you appreciate the diversity of positive aspects in your life.
Consistency: Make it a daily habit. Even on challenging days, finding something to be grateful for can be particularly beneficial.
Keep it simple: You don't need to write lengthy paragraphs. A sentence or two for each item is sufficient.
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