How to deal with empty nest syndrome? Try these 6 strategies
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Learn how to deal with empty nest syndrome when your child leaves home. Plus, how to manage the symptoms of empty nest syndrome, including depression.
Feeling a sense of loss when your children leave home is natural—it’s a big change! But when that feeling lingers and disrupts your daily life, it may be a case of empty nest syndrome that might require some action. This transitional period of life can be challenging, but with strategies, you can turn it into a time of personal growth and self-discovery.
What is empty nest syndrome?
Empty nest syndrome isn't clinical diagnosis but rather an emotional phase where parents experience grief and loneliness as their last child leaves home. It marks an end to the traditional role of active parenting, which can lead to struggling with a loss of purpose and identity.
Empty nest syndrome comes with a mixture of emotions—you might feel down, lonely, or a bit unsure about what to do with all the new free time you suddenly have. It's a big change, after all. Your job as the parent has shifted, and now it's time to watch your children make their way in the world.
For some, empty nest syndrome is a passing sadness that might last a few days or weeks. For others, it can feel more intense, be longer lasting, and might even stir up feelings of depression and anxiety. It's important to know that all these feelings are a normal part of life's big changes. Just like any transition, it can take time to adjust.
What are the symptoms of empty nest syndrome?
It’s natural to miss your kids and worry about them—it’s a sign of the love and care you’ve poured into them all these years. If these feelings seem familiar, know that they’re normal and it’s not just you. If you're wondering whether you’re experiencing empty nest syndrome, or something else, there are some key signs to look out for.
A sense of redundancy: You might feel like your day-to-day purpose has shifted. With no more school runs, lunches to pack, or mountains of laundry to fold, you could be feeling a bit obsolete in your child's life now that they’re on their own.
Persistent sadness and depression: The house can feel too quiet, and you may miss the noise and chaos that used to fill it. This can lead to a lingering sadness or a sense that something’s missing.
Worry and anxiety: It's natural to worry about your child's wellbeing. However, if these concerns keep you up at night or make you feel anxious, it could be a sign of empty nest syndrome.
Restlessness: You might find yourself pacing around the house or jumping from one unfinished activity to another. This restlessness is a common reaction to the sudden quiet and extra time on your hands.
How to prepare for empty nest syndrome (aka pre-empty nest syndrome)
It can be beneficial to anticipate life changes before they happen, if possible, especially anticipating an empty nest. Getting ready for the day your kids leave home isn't just about helping them pack—it's also about preparing yourself mentally and emotionally for the change.
1. Focus on self-care: Start treating yourself as well as you've always treated your kids. That could mean finally signing up for that yoga class you've been eyeing, or picking up the guitar that's been gathering dust in the corner. Self-care is about making sure you're feeling good in yourself, not just looking after everyone else.
2. Rediscover old passions: Think back to the time before you had kids and the activities you used to enjoy. Maybe it's time to get back to painting, writing, or whatever hobby used to light you up. It's not just about filling time, but it's about filling your life with things that make you happy.
3. Build your support network: Just because your kids aren't around as much doesn't mean you have to be alone. Lean on friends, join new groups, or chat with other parents going through the same thing. These connections can foster community and connection and keep the empty nest emotions at bay.
4. Plan for the future: With more free time on the horizon, why not think about what's next? This could be the perfect opportunity to take up new studies, volunteer, or even change careers. Your future can be just as exciting as your child’s.
4 possible phases of empty nest syndrome
Parents typically go through several stages when they become empty nesters. Knowing what to expect can help you handle each phase so you can navigate through the stages of empty nest syndrome with grace and resilience. This isn't the end of your life. It’s the beginning of a new and exciting journey.
1. Denial about your child moving out
In the beginning, you might not want to believe that your child is moving out of your home. Try to acknowledge and accept your emotions without judgment—it's okay to feel this way.
2. Anger and sadness about your life changing
You might begin to feel feelings of anger and sadness. Give yourself permission to grieve. It's natural to feel a sense of loss. Give yourself the space and time you need to mourn the end of one life chapter before you move on to the next.
If you're feeling angry or frustrated, you can also talk about it. Reach out to friends, find a support group, or even a counselor. Sharing your experiences can help you work through tough emotions.
3. Acceptance of your new reality
After a while, you may feel more accepting of your current situation and embrace the natural flow of life. It can be important to seek joy in the day-to-day and find happiness in the small moments.
4. A renewed perspective
Finally, you can have a shift in perspective and fully embrace the change. Your child moved out, is living their life, and that’s exactly what you raised them to do. This can be a fresh start. Get excited about new possibilities and make plans for things you've always wanted to do but haven't yet.
How to deal with empty nest syndrome: 6 tips
If you’re currently struggling with empty nest syndrome, support is available. There are proactive steps you can take to help you adjust to this new phase of life. By taking these steps, you'll be actively managing your feelings about empty nest syndrome and carving out a fulfilling life for yourself beyond your role as a parent.
1. Set new personal goals
Think about what you want to achieve or learn. Write down your goals and the steps you need to take to reach them.
💙 If you can’t think of any immediate goals, that’s okay. Sometimes goals emerge as we begin to process our feelings. If you need a starting point, check out our Feelings Wheel and Feelings Journal.
2. Stay connected with your kids
Regular calls, texts, or video chats can help you feel closer to your children even when they're far away. There’s no reason to put on a brave face and act like you’re fine when you’re not. If you feel inclined to let your kids know you miss them, go ahead! Just remember to also respect their boundaries as they’re embarking on a new adventure in their own lives. It can help to reflect back on how you felt at their age and how much you would have wanted to chat with your folks.
3. Reconnect with your partner or friends
Use this time to strengthen your relationships with your spouse or friends. If you’re in a partnership, it’s probably been awhile since the two of you have had any time for yourselves. Plan regular dates and outings. Get involved in an extracurricular together. Travel. If an extravagant trip to Europe isn’t doable, try a weekend away to a nearby town or city, or even a day trip somewhere close to home. Getting out of the house and exploring can open you up to starting a new adventurous chapter of your own.
4. Get involved in new activities
It’s never too late to learn something new and enjoy a new hobby or activity. Join a club, take up a new hobby, or even volunteer in your community. It's a great way to meet new people and fill your time with rewarding experiences.
💙 Indulge in your interests and experience how The Power of Hobbies can change your life and bring more fulfillment and purpose, even through transitions.
5. Focus on the positives
Take time each day to think about the positive aspects of this new stage. Maybe it's a quieter house or more time to do the things you love. If all else fails, allow yourself time to revel in how proud you are of your children. Going off to college, or moving for a job are incredible milestones, and if they’re out there doing it on their own, you’ve done a great job.
💙 Learn how to shift your perspective toward A Grateful Mindset in this masterclass with Tamara Levitt.
6. Seek support if needed
If you're struggling to cope, don't hesitate to talk to a professional. Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sometimes a therapist or grief counselor can help you process your feelings and smooth out the ripples in this transition.
Empty nest syndrome FAQs
Who is most likely to experience the empty nest syndrome?
Empty nest syndrome can happen to any parent or guardian who feels a strong sense of loss when their children leave home. It's especially common in those who’ve devoted a large part of their identity to being a parent. If you've spent years focusing on your children's needs, you might feel it more intensely than someone who’s maintained a wide range of interests outside of parenting.
Why do empty nesters divorce?
Sometimes couples find that once their children have left home, the glue that once held their relationship together isn't as strong. They might realize they don't share the same interests or goals anymore. This can lead to a decision to divorce as they seek to find happiness in different ways or with different people. It's important for couples to communicate and reconnect with each other as partners, not just as co-parents, to navigate this life transition together.
How long should empty nest syndrome last?
The length of time empty nest syndrome lasts can vary. For some, it's a matter of weeks or months before they adjust. For others, it can take longer. If you find that your feelings of sadness or loss aren’t improving or they're getting in the way of your daily life, it might be a good idea to talk to a professional for support.
At what age do parents become empty nesters?
There isn't a set age for when parents might become empty nesters because it depends on when children decide to leave home. It often occurs when children go off to college or start their first full-time job, which can be anywhere from their late teens to their mid-twenties. However, it can also happen later if children stay home longer. The key’s not the age but the transition and how parents handle the shift in their household and daily routines.
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