What is ableism? Plus, 8 ways to notice bias and be inclusive

Personal Growth

Dec 2

Written By Calm Editorial Team

Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

Ableism shows up in ways many of us don’t notice. We’ll break down the basics and share 8 tips for unlearning habits and being a better ally.

It’s easy to recognize ableism when it’s obvious, like when someone is denied accommodations or a public space is physically inaccessible. But more often, ableism shows up under the radar. In the way we talk, the assumptions we make, and the systems we move through, without thinking twice.

Ableism moves beyond personal bias and shows up in systems that center non-disabled experiences and treat everything else as an exception. It can shape policies, media, education, and workplace culture, often without anyone noticing. But instead of blaming yourself for what you didn’t see, recognize how deeply ableism is woven into daily life and use that awareness to start making things more equitable.

Here’s how ableism can show up in everyday situations, plus simple ways to start building more inclusive habits, language, and spaces.

What is ableism?

Ableism is the belief that people with disabilities are less capable or less valuable than people without disabilities. It’s based on the idea that there’s one “normal” way to move, think, communicate, or live, and that anything different either needs to be fixed or praised just for existing.

But ableism isn’t just about individual attitudes. It shapes how our society defines qualities like independence, success, and value. You can see it in schools that think being fast means being smart, in jobs that reward long hours over flexibility, and in media that shows disabled people either as inspiring or pitiful (and rarely just as regular people).

As such, there are two main layers of ableism to be aware of:

Individual ableism: This type of ableism happens in everyday moments, such as when people make assumptions, use harmful language, or leave others out because of their disability.
Systemic ableism: This type works on a structural level. It’s built into larger systems, such as the rules, spaces, and cultural norms that treat non-disabled experiences as the standard.

7 examples of ableism

Sometimes, ableism is easy to notice, like a building with stairs but no ramp. Other times, it shows up in everyday habits and goes entirely unnoticed. That’s because people often have good intentions but still say or do things that reinforce ableist ideas without realizing it.

Becoming aware lets you begin to notice behaviors that might have been hidden for a long time. Here are a few common ways ableism can show up in everyday life:

1. Assuming inability: A manager skips over a disabled coworker, thinking they’re helping out. A friend moves someone’s wheelchair without asking. These actions might seem helpful, but they take away choice. Real inclusion starts by asking, not assuming.

2. Inaccessible environments: Narrow doorways, events without captions, or places without quiet areas often leave people out. To make a space truly accessible, it has to be designed for everyone.

3. In everyday language: Words like “crazy,” “lame,” or “blind to the truth” carry ableist roots, turning disability into a metaphor for something negative. Simple shifts (like saying “that idea doesn’t make sense” instead of “that’s insane”) helps reshape how we think.

4. Treating disability as tragedy or inspiration: Calling someone “inspiring” for doing normal things or acting like they’ve overcome their disability makes it seem like their life is only worth noticing because it’s different. Most people just want to be seen as regular.

5. Overlooking invisible disabilities: When people ask for support and are told, “But you don’t look disabled,” it dismisses their needs. Believing people when they share their experiences is one of the simplest ways to be inclusive.

6. Exclusion through policy or design: Strict attendance policies, tests without adjustments, or events in places that aren’t accessible quietly show who is truly welcome… and who isn’t.

7. Tokenism and erasure: Adding one disabled person to a team or campaign without giving them a real voice isn’t true inclusion. It’s just optics. Real inclusion allows for sharing power and decision-making.

Why ableism shows up without us noticing

If you’ve started recognizing ableism and wondering whether you’ve done something similar, it’s okay. Most people have, often without meaning to. Ableism isn’t just a set of beliefs: it’s built into how we design spaces, communicate, and define what’s normal.

Which is why it can be so hard to notice. When something is woven into everyday life, it starts to feel natural, even when it leaves people out. But once you start realizing it, you’re one step closer to change.

Here are a few reasons why ableism shows up without us being fully aware it’s happening:

“Normal” has a narrow definition: From a young age, we’re taught there’s a “right” way to learn, move, and act. Schools reward stillness and focus, while jobs value people who are always available. These expectations quietly shape who is seen as capable and who isn’t.
Accessibility is treated as optional: When access is seen as a bonus instead of a basic need, it sends the message that disabled people aren’t part of the plan. Accessibility is often added after everything else — as if it’s optional. It’s usually not done to harm, but the end result still leaves people out.
Good intentions can still take away agency: Helping without asking, speaking for someone, or treating disability like a problem to solve may come from care, but these actions all take away agency. Real inclusion means working with people, not making choices for them.
Not all disabilities can be seen: Many people live with disabilities that aren’t visible, and as a result, they can be met with doubt. This disbelief makes it harder for people to get the support they need, and reinforces the idea that disability only “counts” when it’s obvious.
Productivity culture reinforces bias: We’re often judged by how much we do, how fast we do it, and how independently we work. This way of thinking automatically leaves out people whose bodies or minds don’t fit that mold.

How to be an ally against ableism: 8 tips to be more inclusive

Being an ally to disabled people doesn’t mean you have to get everything right all the time. But staying open, paying attention, and taking steps to make spaces more fair and welcoming can help. Real allyship starts with curiosity, and it’s often in the small, consistent changes that the biggest support can be felt. Here are a few ways to begin.

1. Listen first

If you truly want to understand disability, listen to people who live it. Read, follow, and engage with disabled writers, creators, and advocates.

Pay attention to how they describe their experiences and needs — especially the words they use. When someone shares feedback about accessibility or language, believe them.

2. Use language that respects identity

Language evolves, and so will you. If you’re unsure whether to say “disabled person” or “person with a disability,” ask or follow the lead of the person or community you’re addressing.

Avoid phrases like “suffers from” or “confined to,” which frame disability as a tragedy. Small wording shifts can change the tone of an entire interaction.

💙 For more support, press play on the Language meditation with Tamara Levitt on the Calm app.

3. Ask before you act

If you see someone with a disability, don’t just assume they need help: ask first. A simple “would you like a hand?” shows respect for a person’s individual autonomy.

The same goes for workplace or social settings. Involve people with disabilities in decisions about accessibility instead of deciding for them.

4. Make accessibility standard, not special

Accessibility isn’t an extra feature, and it shouldn’t be treated as such. It’s a sign of thoughtful design.

Use captions automatically. Choose venues with ramps, quiet areas, and accessible restrooms. When planning meetings, send materials in advance or record sessions for flexibility. The more normalized these actions become, the more everyone benefits.

5. Be mindful of invisible needs

Not all disabilities are visible, and not every accommodation looks like a ramp or elevator. Chronic pain, fatigue, ADHD, or anxiety might not show up on the surface, but shape daily life.

Believe people when they tell you what they need as trust is a core part of inclusion.

6. Challenge ableist systems when you can

If you’re part of a workplace, classroom, or community group, advocate for accessibility audits, flexible policies, and diverse hiring.

If it’s under your control, push for budgets and decisions that reflect inclusion as a shared value. Even small policy changes can ripple outward and inspire more drastic shifts.

7. Accept correction with humility

If someone lets you know that something you said or did felt ableist, try not to get defensive. Instead of explaining your intent, a simple, “Thanks for telling me. I’ll keep that in mind,” can go a long way.

The goal is to be open, learn, and do better moving forward.

💙 Want to learn more? Explore Humility & Curiosity with Jay Shetty on the Calm app.

8. Keep inclusion ongoing

Inclusion is a mindset. Ask yourself often: who’s missing from this space? What might help someone else feel more included? These small check-ins help keep your awareness sharp and your allyship active.

What is ableism FAQs

What are some common phrases that are actually ableist?

Some everyday phrases reinforce negative stereotypes without us realizing it. Here are a few:

You don’t look disabled: This assumes that disability has to be visible, and ties someone’s experience to how they appear, which can erase real needs.
That’s so crazy: This phrase uses disability as an insult, reinforcing the idea that being different is bad or wrong.
You’re so inspiring: This can seem like a compliment, but it often separates disabled people from others, making their everyday lives seem unusual or exceptional.
He’s confined to a wheelchair: This phrase suggests that someone’s life is defined by pain or limits. A better option is to say someone uses a wheelchair, which centers their agency.

How do I know if I’m acting in an ableist way without meaning to?

Ableism often shows up in small, automatic ways, like offering help without asking first or making quick assumptions about what someone can or can’t do. It might sound like speaking for someone instead of giving them space to speak, or questioning an accommodation request just because the disability isn’t visible.

Sometimes, it’s in the language we use, like describing disability as something sad or something someone has to overcome. If you catch yourself doing any of this, don’t panic. Just focus on staying open, learning from the moment, and making more thoughtful choices going forward.

What are overt examples of ableism?

Overt ableism is obvious and intentional. It includes behaviors like:

Refusing accommodations: Denying someone a flexible schedule, assistive tech, or accessible seating is a direct form of ableism.
Discrimination in hiring: Assuming a disabled person can’t do the job or not hiring them without even asking reinforces harmful stereotypes.
Inaccessible public spaces: Buildings without ramps, elevators, or accessible restrooms send a clear message: some people don’t belong here.

What’s the difference between ableism and disability discrimination?

They’re closely connected, but not exactly the same. Ableism is a broader mindset. It shows up in everyday assumptions, cultural norms, and systems that treat non-disabled people as the standard. It often doesn’t even acknowledge disability as a natural part of human diversity.

Disability discrimination, on the other hand, is more direct. It refers to unfair treatment, like refusing accommodations, denying services, or limiting opportunities because of someone’s disability.

In short: Ableism shapes how we think, while discrimination shapes how people are treated.

Can ableism affect people with invisible disabilities, too?

Yes, ableism can absolutely impact people with invisible disabilities. These disabilities, such as chronic pain, mental health conditions, or neurodivergence, are often misunderstood or doubted precisely because they can’t be seen.

When someone asks for support, believe them. Listening and accommodating invisible needs is a key part of inclusion.

How can workplaces and schools reduce everyday ableism?

Workplaces and schools can reduce ableism by making systemic changes that prioritize accessibility and inclusivity for everyone.

Here are a few ways they can start making that shift:

Make accessibility part of the plan, not an afterthought: That means building access into websites, events, materials, and physical spaces from day one.
Offer flexible options: Support like remote work, extended deadlines, or alternative attendance policies help everyone.
Bring disabled voices into the decision-making process: Inclusion only works when the people affected have real influence.
Provide training that goes beyond the basics: Educate staff and students on ableism, bias, inclusive language, and accessibility practices.
Show real representation: Make sure people with disabilities are visible in leadership, classrooms, and the media.

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ableism

Calm Editorial Team