How to use equanimity to help you stay calm in the chaos
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Feeling emotionally overwhelmed? These 9 tips for cultivating equanimity will help you stay grounded, present, and steady, even when life gets messy.
Imagine you’re inching forward in rush-hour traffic when suddenly the driver behind you leans on their horn. Your pulse might quicken, your shoulders may tighten, and the stress of the entire day seems to come crashing down at once. In times like these, when it feels like all hope is lost, the power of equanimity can come in to save the day.
While being calm all the time is usually out of reach, equanimity helps you stay grounded inside those messy moments. It’s the ability to notice what’s happening without getting swept away. It’s not about suppressing emotions or pretending everything is fine. Instead, it’s the practice of meeting stress with steadiness, responding instead of reacting, and staying grounded no matter what the day brings.
Equanimity builds emotional resilience. And the good news is it’s a skill, not a personality trait, so you can start practicing it immediately. Here’s everything you need to know about equanimity, plus simple ways you can weave it into daily life.
What is equanimity?
Equanimity is defined as the ability to stay steady and present, even when your emotions are overwhelming you. It’s not that nothing bothers you — it’s just that when it does, you’re anchored in a way that helps you stay balanced.
While you still feel emotions like anger, anxiety, excitement, or sadness, equanimity helps you notice those feelings without reacting right away or getting pulled into them. It’s the difference between saying, “I am anxious” and “I’m feeling anxiety right now.” One feels like you, the person, is stuck, while the other gives you a little space to pause and breathe while the emotional experience passes through you.
In this way, equanimity is closely linked to mindfulness. Mindfulness helps you notice what’s happening right now, while equanimity helps you stay steady as it happens.
Equanimity vs indifference
Contrary to popular belief, equanimity and indifference aren’t the same, as there’s no emotional detachment in equanimity the way there is in indifference.
Indifference is when you disconnect, shut down, or check out because something feels overwhelming, painful, or just too much. It’s a defense mechanism, and sometimes it’s necessary. But over time, indifference can make you feel isolated, apathetic, or even stuck.
Equanimity, on the other hand, keeps you engaged. You still care and show up, but you’re not clinging to control or spiraling in reaction. You feel sadness without collapsing, anger without exploding, and joy without fearing it’ll disappear. Your emotions are there, but they’re manageable enough that you don’t end up losing your center.
Why equanimity matters for emotional resilience
Equanimity helps you stay steady when your emotions feel intense or overwhelming. It gives you a little space between yourself and your feelings, so you don’t react to every emotion like it’s an emergency. In that headspace, you can more effectively find resilience, because instead of losing control, you’re able to respond in a thoughtful way.
While you might still be upset when things go wrong, equanimity allows you to handle those moments without falling apart, lashing out, or shutting down completely. You might still cry in your car or send a frustrated text to your friends, but you also know how to return to yourself afterward.
Equanimity helps you do that — not by making you tougher, but by helping you stay present and kind to yourself, even when things are painful.
Read more: How to be more resilient: 8 ways to build your resilience
How to cultivate equanimity: 9 tips for building your practice
Equanimity is not a fixed trait. Rather, it’s a habit that you can strengthen, and that’s a good thing! The key is to approach it as such and know that some days you’ll feel unshakable, while other days might leave you reactive. Both are part of the process. Here are nine ways to start building equanimity.
1. Notice your triggers
Start by paying attention to the moments that make you feel emotionally off-balance. Is it a particular person? A specific kind of news? A deadline you keep putting off?
You don’t have to change anything right away, but just start noticing patterns. Equanimity begins with awareness.
2. Use breath to reset your nervous system
Your breath can be used as a tool to help you ground. When emotions run high, slow your inhale, and make your exhale even longer.
This taps into the parasympathetic nervous system (your body’s rest and digest mode) and creates just enough space for you to pause before reacting.
💙 Practice being aware of your breath during the Reset with the Breath session with Jay Shetty.
3. Get curious instead of judgmental
When you catch yourself reacting to something (like snapping at someone or spiraling in fear), practice curiosity. Explore why you felt that way, and ask yourself why you felt triggered instead of blaming yourself for your emotions.
Curiosity helps you stay present with your experience, rather than fighting it. That’s equanimity in action.
4. Drop the idea of being perfect
If you feel like you need to be zen all the time, consider this your personal invitation to let that go. Instead, focus on staying with yourself through the emotion without allowing it to steer the whole ship.
You’re not aiming to be relaxed, but you are aiming to make sure your feelings don’t force you to react. So yes, you can cry, scream, or vent into a pillow, and still be practicing equanimity as long as you don’t make impulsive decisions under those conditions.
Related read: How to stop being a perfectionist: 6 tips
5. Practice zooming out
When you feel stuck in a moment or consumed by a feeling, imagine zooming out like you’re watching your life from a distance — kind of like a bird’s eye view.
This shift in perspective can often soften the intensity of the emotion and help you remember that it’s just one part of your experience, not the whole story. Think about it this way: Saying, “This is a stressful week” is completely different from thinking, “My whole life is a disaster.”
6. Schedule micro check-ins
Trying to make time for a formal meditation practice each day can be hard, but you can build equanimity through tiny, regular check-ins, too. Try a mico-meditation, or ask yourself how you’re feeling by doing an emotional weather check a few times during your day.
Just naming what’s going on without judgment can be enough to create a small moment of grounding.
Related read: 20 mindfulness practices that take five minutes (or less!)
7. Lean on rituals that reconnect you
Equanimity thrives when you have practices that anchor you. These are things that remind you who you are when life gets loud, and they’re different for everyone.
For you, it might be walking your dog, drinking tea in silence, or watching the same comforting show every Thursday night. Be consistent with these behaviors, since they’ll help bring routine and calm into your world just by existing.
💙 Build consistency during the Deliberate Slow Ritual session with Jeff Warren.
8. Embrace impermanence
The simple but powerful truth is that everything changes. Feelings rise and fall, hard days end, joy fades and returns.
Life can be easier when you remember that no emotion—whether pleasant or painful—lasts forever. The next time you feel overwhelmed, gently remind yourself that the moment will pass, and you won’t feel this way forever.
9. Practice compassion — especially for yourself
Even with the best intentions, you’ll likely still lose your patience, feel overwhelmed, or slip back into old patterns. After all, it’s hard to switch your reactions overnight.
Try to have compassion for your triggers, while also acknowledging your efforts to improve. When you respond to yourself with kindness instead of criticism, you turn a difficult moment into an opportunity to learn, rather than a spiral of shame.
💙 Learn how to be kinder to yourself with Tamara Levitt’s guided meditation on Compassion.
Equanimity FAQs
What are the benefits of equanimity?
Equanimity helps you stay emotionally steady during times of stress, uncertainty, or change. It creates breathing room between stimulus and response, so you’re less likely to spiral, snap, or shut down when things get intense.
Over time, practicing equanimity can support better emotional regulation, reduce impulsivity, and improve your relationships. You could also experience lower levels of anxiety and depression, greater life satisfaction, and a deeper sense of peace. This isn’t because life automatically gets easier, but because you become more grounded in the way you react to it.
How is equanimity different from indifference?
Equanimity and indifference might look similar on the outside (as both can appear calm or unreactive), but they’re very different on the inside.
Indifference is a kind of emotional disconnection. It’s what happens when you stop caring because it feels safer not to feel anything at all.
Equanimity, on the other hand, is full presence. It means staying open and aware, even when things are uncomfortable. When you practice equanimity, you stay soft without being destabilized by every shift in emotion.
What is the difference between mindfulness and equanimity?
They’re pretty connected. Mindfulness is about paying attention to the present moment with curiosity and acceptance, while equanimity builds on that by adding a sense of inner steadiness. Think of it as a kind of non-reactivity that allows you to stay with whatever emotions arise without getting overwhelmed or overly attached.
You can think of mindfulness as noticing the storm, and equanimity as sitting safely in the shelter while it passes. The two practices work best together as mindfulness gives you the initial awareness, and equanimity helps you hold that awareness with more ease.
Can equanimity help with anxiety or stress?
Absolutely. Equanimity helps you meet anxiety and stress with a little more space.
Instead of getting caught in anxiety spirals and thinking things will never get better, equanimity helps you observe the anxious thoughts without immediately believing or reacting to them.
While it may not make the stress disappear, it gives you the tools to navigate it without feeling consumed by it. Over time, this habit can shift how your body and mind respond to challenging situations.
How do I start an equanimity practice?
It’s easier than you think. Begin by noticing your reactions in everyday moments, like when you’re stuck in traffic or waiting for an important email. Pause, breathe, and see if you can observe your feelings without immediately acting on them.
Consider incorporating short mindfulness practices into your day (even just a few minutes count). You can also journal about what throws you off-balance or explore guided meditations that focus on equanimity. Start small, and over time, you’ll find the practice much easier.
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