11 tips to improve your social skills (even if you’re shy)

Relationships

Sep 19

Written By Calm Editorial Team

Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

Having good social skills can benefit us in many ways, but we usually aren't taught them in school. Explore the different types of skills and how you can improve your own.

Have you ever left a dinner party and spent the entire journey home dissecting the conversations you had? Did you talk too much? Were your jokes dumb? Did people enjoy your company? We’ve all had these moments, but if you find yourself ruminating about your social interactions often, it might be time to check in.

Being social can be challenging, especially if you’re an introvert, but having good social skills can help you connect with others, express yourself, and respond in different situations. And they work whether you’re naturally outgoing, timid, or simply convinced you’re “not good with people.”

The good news is that they’re called “skills” for a reason, meaning they can be learned, practiced, and adjusted to fit exactly who you are. We’ll break down the main types of social skills, why they matter, and provide simple ways to strengthen yours without changing your whole personality.

What are social skills?

Simply put, social skills are the tools we use to interact with other people. They guide how we start conversations, listen, share our thoughts, and read body language. In short, social skills help us connect with coworkers, friends, family, strangers, and basically anyone we meet. And they’re not just related to talking, either.

Social skills also include how we handle disagreements, show empathy, read the mood of a room, and respond when things get quiet. Some people might seem naturally outgoing, but most of us are learning as we go. The social skills you were born with aren’t set in stone, and you can grow and change with experience and comfort.

5 types of social skills

You don’t need to master every type of social skill to feel connected to the people you’re around, but understanding the different forms they take can help you notice which ones come easily, and which ones you might want to strengthen. Here are the five different types of social skills:

1. Verbal communication: This includes the words you choose and how you deliver them. Think: clarity, tone, timing, and how comfortable you come across while speaking.

2. Nonverbal communication: Facial expressions, posture, eye contact, and gestures can all signal how you’re feeling or responding to another person without you having to say a word.

3. Listening skills: Active listening means paying attention, responding thoughtfully, and showing that you’re engaged. It’s as much a part of connection as speaking is.

4. Emotional regulation: Being able to stay steady when you’re nervous, frustrated, or overwhelmed can make interactions feel less draining and more manageable. Plus, other people are more likely to respond better when you’re regulated.

5. Empathy and perspective-taking: This is your ability to tune in to how someone else might be feeling, whether you agree with them or not. It helps build trust and reduce misunderstandings.

Why do social skills matter?

Having strong social skills doesn’t always mean you’re the life of the party (although you can be, if you want). They do mean you can connect with other people in ways that feel meaningful, respectful, and clear. This is important, as our relationships shape so much of how we experience life.

When social interactions feel easier, other parts of life often feel easier too. You might be more willing to speak up at work, set healthy boundaries, or ask for help when you need it. You might also feel more comfortable joining a group, handling conflict, or saying no without feeling guilty.

In time, good social skills can lower stress and boost confidence. They can make tough conversations less uncomfortable and help everyday moments (like talking to a neighbor or making a phone call) feel less draining. Most of all, they help you feel connected to others, even when conversations are difficult.

If you’ve ever left a conversation feeling misunderstood, unseen, or confused, it’s usually a hint that a skill in your social toolkit could use a little attention. The good news? They can be worked on, just like any other skill set.

How to improve your social skills: 11 ways to feel more comfortable in social settings

If you’re looking to build confidence, feel less anxious, and connect more easily with others, a few small shifts can make a big difference. They’ll work even if you’re a bit more introverted, especially since the only right way to be social is the one that feels the best for you — where you’re the one feeling understood, heard, and connected.

Here are some simple ways to get started.

1. Start small and low-pressure

If big social events feel overwhelming, don’t start there. Instead, practice building social skills in everyday moments. Greet your mail carrier, ask your barista how their day is going, or comment on a colleague’s coffee mug. These tiny interactions build your confidence gradually, without the stakes of a deeper connection.

Daily tip: Discover how you can make your greetings feel less vague and more friendly. You might ask your manager how their day is going rather than simply logging in and saying hello. See how it feels for you to slowly engage in more conversation over time.

2. Use body language to signal openness

Even if you don’t mean them to, signals like crossed arms, a lack of eye contact, or facing away can signal discomfort. Instead, soften your shoulders, nod while someone talks, and make occasional eye contact. This can help create warmth and safety.

Daily tip: Practice these cues in the mirror or during video calls to make sure they look natural.

3. Focus on listening, not performing

Oftentimes, we think we need to impress people by being overtly funny or communicative. But just being present and curious is enough. Active listening—which includes nodding, reflecting back what someone said, or asking follow-up questions—makes people feel heard. It also builds trust.

Daily tip: Try to ask questions that are directly related to what the person is telling you, such as, “That sounds tough. How did you handle it?” or “What happened next?”

💙 Practice active listening with the How To Really Listen session with Kate Murphy.

4. Prepare for common situations

If you’re aware that specific settings trip you up, such as networking events or family gatherings, be prepared by having a few go-to questions or phrases. Think of it like packing a social first-aid kit that you can use when conversations lag.

Daily tip: These simple questions can stay in your arsenal during stressful times.

“How do you know [host]?”
“What’s something you’re looking forward to this month?”
“Have you seen or read anything good lately?”

5. Practice grounding techniques before or during social moments

If you tend to get overwhelmed, grounding yourself in the moment can help. Try deep breathing, noticing your feet on the floor, or silently naming five things around you. These small resets can calm your nervous system and help you stay present.

Daily tip: Have a go-to grounding exercise you can use that you know will help you relax immediately.

6. Get curious about other people

Genuine curiosity is one of the most powerful social skills you can build. Shift your focus from worrying about how you’re being perceived to learning about the person you’re with. Ask open-ended questions and follow their lead.

Daily tip: Notice when your mind is spiraling and preoccupied with what the other person thinks of you. Quickly shift gears, and instead ask yourself how you can better listen to what they’re telling you. This could make a difference in the flow of the conversation.

💙 Learn how to be more curious with the Curiosity Builds Connection session with Jay Shetty.

7. Learn to tolerate pauses

Silence can feel uncomfortable, but it’s not a failure. Pauses often happen when people are thinking, processing, or just taking a breath. Instead of rushing to fill every gap, try waiting a beat or shifting to a new topic gently.

Daily tip: Notice when there’s a pause in the conversation, and just let it lull for a few seconds. Notice how you feel in your body — does it bring up uncomfortable feelings? Breathe through and let the moment pass. Soon, you’ll stop associating silence with awkwardness.

💙 Soothe your nervous system with this simple One-Minute Reset with Chibs Okereke.

8. Name and validate your awkwardness

If things get weird, you can acknowledge it lightly to reduce tension. You could try a quick, “I’m a little rusty at this — how about you?” After all, we’ve all felt awkward at times. You’re just bonding over it.

Daily tip: Practice laughing at yourself when things get messy in conversation. You’re more likely to have people join you when you stop taking things too seriously.

9. Don’t overlook digital communication

Texting, messaging, and video calls are valid places to practice social skills. You can work on tone, clarity, and emotional cues in these formats. Plus, you often have more time to think before you respond.

Video calls can also help you read facial expressions, practice eye contact, and notice body language, even if you’re not in the same room. Over time, these digital interactions can make it easier to connect in person, because you’re already getting comfortable with the give-and-take of conversation.

Daily tip: Use emojis or reaction buttons if you’re not sure how to respond in words. These can still show presence in non-verbal ways.

10. Rehearse and reflect

If you’re nervous about a future conversation, try rehearsing it first. Say your opener out loud or write down how you might respond to different points. You can even practice with a trusted friend or in front of a mirror to get used to hearing your own voice.

This can make the real conversation feel less overwhelming because you’ve already tried it out in a low-pressure setting.

Daily tip: Afterward, instead of focusing only on what you think went wrong, notice what went well. Even small wins like “I stayed in the room,” “I asked a question,” or “I made eye contact” count. Over time, this kind of reflection builds confidence and helps you improve without getting stuck on mistakes.

11. Rest and recharge when you need to

Socializing takes energy, especially if you’re introverted or feel anxious in groups. Give yourself permission to plan breaks before or after social time so you can recharge.

That might mean arriving at an event a little later, stepping outside for a few minutes, or keeping plans shorter. In fact, boundaries like these are actually a key part of good social skills because they help you stay present and engaged when you’re with others.

Daily tip: Leaving early or saying no doesn’t make you rude, so make sure you practice these boundaries often. A simple, “I have an early morning tomorrow,” can be just the excuse you need to leave. Most times, nobody will question it.

Improve social skills FAQs

How do social skills benefit me?

Strong social skills can make life feel a little easier, especially when you’re dealing with other people. They help you communicate your needs, understand others, and move through the world calmly.

Whether you’re advocating for yourself at work, building deeper relationships, or just making it through a group dinner without feeling drained, having reliable social tools can reduce misunderstandings, build trust, and increase your sense of connection. They also support emotional health, because your stress levels naturally drop when difficult interactions go more smoothly than expected.

Are there different types of social skills?

Yes, there are five different types of social skills, which encompass a toolbox and include how you speak, listen, respond, and engage with others. They include:

Verbal communication
Nonverbal communication
Active listening
Empathy
Emotional self-regulation

Are social skills something you’re born with or can learn?

While some people may pick up social cues more quickly due to temperament or early experiences, if you think you need some work, it’s very possible to learn new social skills. After all, they’re not fixed traits — they’re behaviors that can evolve with practice, patience, and support.

How do I improve my social skills if I’m an introvert?

Being an introvert doesn’t mean you can’t develop your social skills. In this case, focus on depth over quantity with one-on-one conversations, meaningful connections, and quiet confidence.

You might also benefit from setting boundaries around your social energy, preparing ahead for interactions, or using written communication (like texts or emails) when that feels easier. You’re allowed to show up in your own way.

What if I feel awkward or anxious in group settings?

That’s incredibly common, and it doesn’t mean you’re bad at socializing. Group settings can be overwhelming because they involve more noise, more people, and less control over the flow of conversation.

To ease anxiety, try arriving early when the room is quieter, taking breaks when needed, or finding a role that gives you some structure, like helping the host. If you need to step away for a few minutes to ground yourself, that’s okay, too. Being socially skilled doesn’t mean you never feel awkward. It simply means you know how to support yourself better when you do.

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Calm Editorial Team